Welcome to this episode of uncomplicating business. I am Sara Torpey. I am your cruise director. No, I'm not. I'm a business coach, but I would love to be on a cruise with you. 

I am here today to talk about trust again and connecting. So what I would like to really focus us on today is tips and ways to think about connection that help you build and create trust as a business owner, as a human, as a connected person. One of the things that I teach in the framework that I teach, the uncomplicated business framework, which has four parts, is connection. It is the third of the four. It's grounding, planning, connecting and selling. Because what I know, what you know, what we all know, and we forget sometimes, is that the way business happens is that humans buy from humans. 

So the thing that you have to do before you sell anything is be a human who is connected to other humans. And I get it. I'm an introvert. I would like to be here in my office very quietly, doing my day, and that's not how business works. So what we do in the connection bucket is meet other humans truly. And what I want to share with you today is five tips that I find over the years have really helped me change how I connect. And are things that I teach clients in selling for weirdos, in the uncomplicating Business Lab, in one on one, coaching in all the ways so that they become better connectors and better connected. Because, you know, we know, you know, the common language out in the world in business is people buy from people they know, like and trust. 

This is the part where we get to like and trust. Connection is the like and trust, because they can know you from the LinkedIn or the Facebook or wherever, but they don't actually know you. Connection is how they know you as a human and you build the relationships that are like and trust that lead to sales. So there are five things here for us to talk about. The first is internal, entirely internal, and it is about expectations. I think one of the hardest things about connection is we try to plan ahead to get the right connections. We try to make sure that every person we're meeting is productive, and we try to make sure that you know each connection we make is going to serve us in them in some ways. And I'm going to be totally honest with you, we can't guarantee any of that. We just can't, and I've probably said this on the podcast 500 ways, but we don't get to decide how that connection is going to go before we have it.

 Can we look at, you know, an option, or somebody that reached out to us, or somebody that was connected to us, and be like, I don't know if this is a good fit, sure, but I cannot tell you the number of times I have been proven wrong when I thought, like, I don't know if this is a good fit, but I'm going to do it anyways. And found somebody that I think is the bee's knees. 

Like a really good example of this is I got a cold message early this year from a woman on LinkedIn named Jess Hershey, who I was like, I don't know it was a really good cold message, but it was like, Hey, I'd love to be connected if you're game to cook one on one. Great. And I was like, You know what I like, what she's up to? Let me like, I don't know if this is productive. And I ended up, like, canceling it at least once. I'm a terrible person, because I just had other stuff going on. 

You know, you know what? I went through a summer of change, and then, you know, we got on, finally, on Zoom. And I was like, Oh my God, because she's brilliant. PS, if you're not finding her on LinkedIn or following her in all the places you really ought to, she's amazing. And you know, I would not know her be in her world, have her in mine, if not for that like willingness to have it not be great for me, not every connection needs to be productive, quote, unquote. It is also a matter of what productive means, right? If I meet someone new that was productive, I don't know if they know somebody that they're going to wreck. Meant to me. I don't need to know, because sometimes that takes years to like foment itself. But for me and for you, the job is meeting new people. Sometimes you're going to meet people that you are like, holy cow. They are amazing. Sometimes you're going to meet people and you're going to be like, holy cow. No, thank you. I have done all of them, and it doesn't mean that they weren't worthwhile and it wasn't a good use of my time, because the more people we know, the more people we know, period. 

So that's number one. Number two, what I have in big bold letters, and number two is Relax, guys. You don't have to show up to networking, to connection, to one on one, zooms, to coffee, to whatever, as anyone but yourself. You are not good at being anyone but yourself. I am not good at being anyone but myself. So if you show up to connect one on one with me. 

This is who you're gonna get. And here's the thing, what I want is, if people meet me out in the world and then want to come work with me, I want them to get the same person. I want to be out in the world exactly who I am. Because I don't ever want someone to come and work with me and go, oh gosh, she's not what I expected, right? That's not great, but you're really good at being you. 

So are you silly? Be that. Are you serious? Be that. Do you have a passion for something very particular? Talk about that. Do you want to be, you know, super fun. Do you? Are you really nosy? Like I'm really nosy. I want to know about the art in your office. I want to know why that pink color is the color you picked. I want to know what your kids are up to. I want to know why you live, where you live, if you always live there. I want to know the three jobs you had before this one. I want to know because that part of it, and how people got to entrepreneurship is so interesting to me, and the stories are so good, and the people are so smart, it is fabulous. 

But for me, I love that part, and so what I do is relax into it, because that's just me. I am nosy, so show up to networking as yourself. If what you wear every day is sweatshirts, wear sweatshirts. If you're always dressed and have your makeup on, great, do that. But like, please don't expect that's what you're going to see when you come to meet me. Do you? It is not about being perfect. It's about being yourself. Number three, curiosity always wins.

 Be curious. When I say nosy, I mean curious, but, but actually I mean nosy, right? Like be nosy, ask people questions, wonder about stuff. No, it doesn't all have to be work stuff. Hell, mine is often like, not work stuff, it's just curiosity. Follow it. If you find, if you see something in their background, in their office, and you're like, Wait, why is that there? What is that? Tell me more. Ask, right? If they say something and you're like, wait, whoa, wait, whoa, wait. Like, I talked to a brilliant woman recently who is local here, who also reached out on LinkedIn, who has this entire craft teaching business, like teaching crafts to people, but also is writing entrepreneurship trainings for the Department of Commerce. And I was like, Wait, how do you do how did you get to do both of those things, right? Like, how do those things which one was first? Like, tell me more.

 Because, like, it's so interesting how that stuff evolves, right? Be curious. And I know it's like, well, but like, what if they're boring? Listen, it's all in what you think about it, right? Like, I just know that every person has something weird I can uncover. And so if you go into it knowing that every person has something weird you can uncover, it's kind of fun. And I have, over the years, played games with myself, like, I will keep a tally mark of how many questions I can ask in a row. I will see if I can get them to tell me a story that they're like, oh, man, I shouldn't tell you this, right? Like, I don't know, play fun games. 

Make yourself curious about how you're going to do this, right? Like, do whatever you need to do to keep yourself motivated. And the people that I'm like, Ooh, this is not a great connection. I still am curious, because, you know what, I don't know who I'm going to meet that needs that person like I met a woman recently who was not my cup of tea, probably, but the entire time I talked to her, I thought like, oh my gosh, have I got a friend for you? A dear friend of mine is. Exactly her cup of tea. And I was like, Oh, these guys are meant to be. Like, it's not my flavor, because it was just not but the two of them has have hit it off, like, completely. I introduced them together, and they were both like, Oh, my word. She's amazing.

 Yes, they're both amazing, and I love them together, but I don't know if I could be in a room with both of them all day. So there's that just because it's not for you doesn't mean it won't help someone you know. Number four, the corollary to curiosity, you do not have to say the right thing. This is also about relaxing and being the person you are. It's not about saying the right thing. Also, if you in your brain think like, oh my gosh, I should tell them about this thing. I have do not then go like, Oh my gosh, this is a Connect. I can't tell them that here. Be like, Hey, no pressure. But I have this thing.

 I think might be really fun for you. Do you want me to send you some more information? Like, don't feel like you have to buy it or join it or whatever, but I think you'd be great there offer when people, when something that you have, it occurs to you would be useful for someone. Your job in the universe is to share it. That is why you're here on the planet, is to give the thing you're good at. So when you don't, when you stress over saying the right thing or being too salesy or too pushy or whatever, and so you don't say anything. 

What you're doing is a disservice to that other person, truly. And that's not cool. Why would you do that? So if something occurs to you, just show up and be like, Oh, what's interesting is I have a client for many years who comes in and out of coaching and group, and she's worked with me many ways. And one of the things that she talked about for a long time was she's like, a super connector. She's great at connecting. And at some point she was like, You know what? I do a ton of connecting, but I don't get a ton of business from it. And I was like, Okay, so tell me about your connections. So we talked about, you know, what she shares, what she tells them about her business, and what showed up, what we noticed was that when people needed her, she said less about her work, because she got in her head immediately. When she was like, Man, that would be a good client for me. She totally clammed up, which is the opposite. 

Now, what she does is says like, hey, you know, I see some things that you like. Are you open to having a conversation about some resources I might have for you? And if they say no, she moves on. If they say yes, great. But she asks permission, and then she shares, and I'm going to tell you, it has made a huge difference in how she creates clients through the things she's really great at, which is networking. It's sometimes it's really just a small change like that, but letting your curiosity and what you're have to give lead is important. And here's the last one, one on one.

 Connection is a conversation, not a role play. It is not like Hi. My name is Sara robot, and I introduce myself, and then I repeat myself, and then I tell you this same story, and then I ask you three questions, and then it's your turn. Like, it is a conversation, not a role play. Are there parts in the conversation you're trying to hit? Yes. Do you need to know what they do? Do you need them to know what you do? Absolutely. But like, after that, it is what it is. Just have a conversation. Don't be like, okay, here is how all of my networking calls should go, Dude, we're not acting we're humaning. Okay, so be a human. I understand that. Like we like to have frameworks and processes. So if you want to write yourself a couple silly questions to ask them, great, like, what was your first job? Why do you live? Where you live? Have you lived anywhere else? I always want to know where people live. I'm so nosy. I'm so sorry. 

I'm not really though I you know what? What sports did you play? Did you play sports as a kid? Tell me what you did as a kid. Like, do you have crafty kids? Do you have kids? Like, I don't know. I these are the things I ask. I have all kinds of things. So if you need a list, make one. But like, use it as a list as, like, a prompt for when you're stuck and remember that you're having a human conversation with a human being. Like, if you wouldn't say it to them out loud in the grocery store, you shouldn't say it on a networking call or a one on one or in an email. By the way, if you're reaching out to connect and you wouldn't say it like that to someone standing in front of you, don't say it like that in an email.

 My friends, hear yourself. So here's the long story short, you get to trust yourself. You get to show up as yourself. Self, and you get to trust the other person and the process of connection. Please, my friends, be human. Let it be relax into it and know that it will serve you as a human. It will serve your business a million times over, and it will serve your community, the one that you're building through your work, because the more people you know, the more resources you have for your people in as we're talking about community, I would like to invite you to come join mine. 

My community is called the uncomplicating Business Lab, and in the lab, we do all the best things. We use the uncomplicated business framework, ground plan, connect and sell to grow businesses in uncomplicated ways, through day to day accountability, through implementation together, through ongoing support, through community, through things we're working on together, and resources in the lab, it's a membership community. You will get access to people. You will get access to the supply closet full of resources that I'm building in there. You will get access to quarterly trainings and monthly workshops. You will get all of the best things, daily prompts and questions, journal things. 

We're going to do it all, and I will be in there with you all the time, because it's like my new corner of the universe. So come join us in the lab. It is an amazing place, and I would love to see you there. I would love to help you make your business simple and successful and functionally successful through being in the lab. So I look forward to seeing your face. I'm going to add the link to the lab in the notes. If you can't find it, just go to my website under work with me.

 It's it's there in the lab, and I will see you in two weeks. In two weeks, we're going to talk about planning and in the lab, we're doing planning for 2026 in December. So if you're in the lab in December, you'll get to do that with us. So come join before we do that, so you can plan your 2026 and love it all right, friends. I'll see you soon.