Welcome to the next episode of uncomplicating business. I am Sara Torpey. I am the creator of selling for weirdos. I am a business coach. I am a mom, I am a teacher. I am a lot of things. I wear all the hats. 

And I'm so happy to have you with us this season on the podcast, we are having an ongoing conversation about all things trust in business, because it matters like matters enough to spend a year on it. And today, what we're going to talk about is a question I actually got from a client recently who has been listening to these episodes as they go, and it's part of what we talk about trust in her business. And what she said to me the other day was, okay, I know what trust looks like. 

I'm starting to I know what to ask myself to check in, but what I don't know is how to know when I'm not trusting myself, and how to notice it. So today, what we're going to talk about is what I think of as sort of the early indicators and the subtler indicators of when you're not working from trust in your business. And then we're going to talk about what to do and how to actually, like,

 I have four steps and two questions for you to use to check in on whether or not you're trusting yourself, and then to sort of have a process to follow to find those spots where your trust muscle is weaker so that you can build it up, and everything in your business can be easier as a result. Remember, out of the gate that trust is not about being certain how everything's going to work, because if we were certain everything was going to work, we that would be certainty. Right? Trust is pre evidence, and I know I keep saying that, but it's because it's true. 

Trust is what we do before we're certain, and that's why it matters, because in business, we do a lot of things before we're certain, right? We do things that work. We do things that don't work, just like in life. And so trust really comes into play, because we have to exercise our trust muscle so often. So my client said, you know, how do I know I'm not trusting myself? And I, what I did was sit down and think about how I, as the coach, know when my clients are not trusting themselves. And I also thought about when I myself, the business owner, am not trusting myself, and like, what that looks like. 

There are some early signs to me, the like, very obvious first ones are first when you're trying to question everything, when you're like, doing something, and your first question is, is it right? Did I do it right? Right? Is it like, Should I do it this way? Should I do it a different way? Should I go shopping for another way? Is this the right tool? Do I belong here, right? Like when you're just kind of ungrounded and floating around wondering if you belong, wondering if this is the way you should do it, instead of just doing the thing and moving on, because this is the way you were meant to do it. The second thing that I think happens a lot is I hear like, well, you know, I just want to do it right. Listen, friends, that, to me is always a giant waving red flag, because if you're trying to do it right, you're trying to often fit someone else's definition of right, and may or may not even know what that definition is. So it's like you want it to work. 

That's you saying you want it to work right out of the gate. You want to do it right the first time. But in business, particularly in sales and marketing, there's no guarantee that anything we're going to hit right out of the park, so we have to be careful with that kind of thinking. You know, we're just going to trust that. I'm going to try all the levers, I'm going to push all the buttons in the cockpit and make sure the plane flies. I don't know which ones were the ones right. It was like we were watching an episode of some Star Wars, Disney TV series recently, and like kids in the cockpit, and they just pushed all the buttons and hoped that one of them worked right. 

That's kind of trusting you'll figure it out. One of the other sort of obvious indicators to me is the constant gear changes to a better way, which is just another way of like, wanting to do it right, and that showing up, it's like, oh, well, I did it like this for two weeks, and then I wasn't sure about it, so I tried it like this, and then I did it like this for two weeks, or I thought about it doing like. This, and then I decided it would be better if, but I didn't actually do either of those things, right? Especially if you're doing a lot of planning and not a lot of doing, that is a problem, right? So often it's like, okay, what am I not trusting here? Right? Where is my trust? Because if you're doing these things that like, you know, it's funny. I coach teachers in classrooms, and pardon me, the dog has decided that now is the time for her to be awake, even though she's been asleep since the moment I started this podcast. 

So one of the things I learned in coaching teachers, I coached lots of teachers. For many years I was in, gosh, over the six or seven years that I coached other teachers, I worked for an NSF grant, and over that time I was in, probably, I don't know, 40 different school buildings and a couple 100 classrooms over a couple of years because it was across a couple of school districts, and I got really good at walking in and being like, Oh, here's what's going on in this classroom, and assessing really quickly. For me, I was looking at, you know, who's managing, who, who's doing all the work, who is making the decisions, right? Is the teacher running the class or the kids, right? And so this became something I could assess really quickly in a classroom. 

Still to this day, my poor kids, that's one of the things I look at, even when I'm going to conferences. It's like, who is, who's in charge here, in working with clients and coaching, one of the things I kind of think about really quickly is like, where's the trust, and at what level of trust is this person in, in their work, in their expertise, in all the things they're doing right now? Because that's going to matter. It's going to make such a difference right out of the gate.

 So there are some quick signs that I look for as a coach, that I look for in myself as a business owner, where it's like, Am I just questioning the question right here? Am I just not deciding to trust myself and and that's the thing, trust is a decision, right? We keep talking about that. So there are also those sort of like, that's the top layer of the onion right of trust that you can see sort of right out of the gate, that people tell me about all the time. It's like, I can't make a decision, or I'm always trying to do it right, or I keep restarting right, and then there are, like, some layers further down. And it doesn't mean it's a bigger problem or a different problem. It just means it's like hidden a little better from you and from me. 

And so some of those subtler trust things, one of them that I my favorite version for myself, is solving problems I don't have. The thing I always remember is, if I trusted myself in my work, I wouldn't need to solve this problem that I don't have yet, because I don't even know if it's going to be a problem, right? So if a client or a friend says to me, well, but you know, in six weeks, it might turn into this. So I'm trying to make sure that doesn't happen. 

Well, that's not a problem you have yet. So like, let's solve the current problem you have before we solve the next problem. That, for me is like, what are you not trusting about what's happening today that you need to plan for problems you're gonna have in six weeks or six months, right? That's one of those where it's like, hey, what's happening here? The next one is over Learning Friends, if you are hanging out in the learning cave or the planning cave, over planning is another version of this, and not doing because you're really worried you don't know enough. 

What that says to me is you're not trusting your expertise and your value, and you're not really grounded in it. So like, if you are sitting back and you're like, Hey, what the heck? I need to learn more. I need another certification. I need to plan this better, right? Because if I plan it more, it'll work better. Like that's a sign to me. It's like a layer down sign that you're not trusting your work or your plan or your value or your expertise or your knowledge base, right what you have right now is plenty valuable. Trust me. Because trust me. Do you hear me, because you wouldn't be doing this thing you were doing if you were new at it, right? Like nobody does that. So what your job is is to be like, whoo, wait.

Maybe I could trust that I know enough and I can move forward from this. Another one is when. Just straight not doing right. And it could be your learning instead of doing your planning, instead of doing your solving future problems instead of doing and sometimes I talk to friends and clients and colleagues, and I'll be like, All right, well, did that happen? And they'll be like, No, I just couldn't get myself together to do it. And that, to me, is like, okay, so what? What don't you trust about what would happen if you did that? That's in the way, right? Because for me, it always circles back to trust, right? 

If we trusted that our process and our plan were working, why would we not do it right. And then the last one on this list is looking for someone else with answers. Like, every now and then I have a client that's like, Oh, should I go do that too? Like, why? What are you not trusting in your work, in yourself, in your process that you need someone else to fix you, right? You have the power coaching is here to help you use your power, right? Like, I get to be like a power booster, but every expert under the sun isn't a sign of trust. It's a sign of Oh, it's a 10. It's almost like over learning.

 It's just like trying to find somebody else that's going to solve all your problems before you happen to have them, just a different version of that, right? So if you hear any of those in yourself, I know I like to over plan, which I have to really watch, because teachers like a plan. I really love to solve problems I don't have. And I really do try to do it right the first time. Like, for me, those are my hot buttons, right? That I have to be like, Oh, wait, what's happening here, Sara. And so for you, what are yours the process that is in here, for like, knowing when you're not in trust in an area starts with literally just that, knowing what it looks like when you're not. For me, it is solving problems I don't have when I'm like, well, in six months, what's going to happen when? And I'm like, oh boy, hi. What's happening here? What's, what's wrong right now? What's What are you not trusting today? And then I can dial it back. Know your tells. That's step one. 

Step two is to notice them, like, I call it like tie a bell to them. You know how you like tie a bell? We have the we have friends. They have this tiny little dog, like, she's tiny, she's tiny, she's like, hand sized, and she's like a tiny little elderly Chihuahua, and they have a bell on her. Because, honestly, you walk in the house and I could step on her like a bug, and so she wears a bell so that you can, like, hear her and find her and not step on her. But the same thing should happen with these thoughts you're trying to notice about. When you are not trusting yourself, you just sort of tie a bell to them. So it's like, oh, I'm having that. And you hear Ring, ring, ring. It's like, oh, there it is. I noticed it. That's step two. 

Step three is to check in. It's like, okay, what do I What would I be doing instead, in this moment, if I did trust myself, would I be questioning? Would I be waiting? Would I be joining this class? Would I be deciding I needed a new plan? Would I be stopping? Would I be starting? If I trusted myself, what would I be doing? I'd probably just be doing the thing and moving on honestly, right? And then the last step is to decide to do that thing. I know these feel likes, like simple steps, but nonetheless, steps right? So know what your tells are, tie a bell to them, check in. What would it look like if I was trusting myself? What would I be doing and then actually do that? Because a lot of times when I'm thinking like, when I think like, 

Okay, I caught myself trying to solve a problem I don't have. What I would be doing if I trusted myself was not worrying about that problem yet. What I need to do is put it down and move on and go do something else, and then I need to actually go do something else rather than continue trying to fix a problem I don't have yet, and sometimes that last step is the one we miss, where you're like, I noticed it. I know what it is, and I'm gonna keep worrying about it. You're like, No, you actually have to put it down right? Like, put it down and move forward.

 So the questions here are really like, what does trust in myself look like and sound like in this moment, right when you catch yourself in that not trusting place it's like, what does it look like and sound like? And then the other question is, you know, do I trust my own you know, expertise, value whatever. It might be in this situation, right? If you kind of feel like you're like, waiting, right? 

Another one for me is waiting. Oh my gosh, that should have been on the list, waiting for somebody to be like, Okay, it's your turn. No, nobody's coming if you're waiting. So for me, it's like, do I trust my own expertise when I'm waiting, right? If I'm waiting, am I trusting my own expertise, and am I acting like it like? How does someone who trusts their expertise act? What does she do? She does not wait around. Whenever I ask that question, I'm like, Oh, she does not wait for somebody to knock on the door and be like, Hey, Sara, it's your turn. So check in, right? These are the ways you check in. All of that being said, keep working on trust if you need me. You know how to find me. You can email me at Sara at Torpey coaching com. You can come to my website and book a time to talk. I would love to connect. I would love to talk about coaching. 

And the last thing is, I am holding a workshop called the non sales the non salesy sales call blueprint on March 26 it is $17 it is going to be amazing. Yes, there's going to be a workshop or workbook. It will be on Zoom. You will get the recording. You should definitely sign up. I will make sure the link is in the show notes. And you should come join me in the workshop, because it's going to be fabulous. And I can't wait to do it, because I'm like, getting it ready now, and it's so good, it will be like, step by step, how to have the sales calls without feeling salesy, without it feeling salesy to you or to them. You're going to walk away with some questions that you can use.

 You're going to walk away with a process and some timing, and then you're going to walk away with the ability to make it yours, because that's what really matters. 

So if you have questions or if you need something, reach out. If you want to come to the workshop, sign up and I'll see you all in two weeks.