Welcome, welcome. So happy to talk to you today. Today we are going to talk about like the real stuff like, essentially, my original working title for this podcast episode was what happens what to do when your life eat your business. And that's really probably how I'm going to refer to it at least once today, because it's that's how I feel about this, this episode is really is a request from a client, and be a reflection of how I felt about the second half of 2023. 

Very much where you know, a lot more life was happening than I had anticipated or planned for. And I really, you know, just like we did in 2020, and 2021. And what we do all the time, as business owners and spouses and parents and friends and people who have human lives, I've had to sort of re shake everything to find my way through. And so this episode is really a reflection of that. 

Before I get too far, a couple of things first, the next round of small group coaching starts in March, it's in about a month, there are always four spots in a group, if I have more than four, we make two groups. And we are going to run 12 weeks small group coaching is magical. It is about getting exactly what you as an individual need. In the context of a group in you know, the magical thing about groups is that, you know, I've been running groups coaching groups for almost three years now. And what I get to see through Facebook and LinkedIn and the places all the time is how those groups have stayed connected and continue to support each other. 

They are their own little magical communities for each other. And so having a group that you will grow with, and stick with and having people out in the business world who get you who know you're working on who have known what you're working on. And having been able to learn to gather from them with them, as you also get you grow yourself is really a huge deal. Plus, the coaching you'll get will help move you forward, which is what you want anyways, just with other people. And that's why the groups are small, because your individual success really matters. If that's not going to happen in the group, then there's no point in the group.

 The second thing is on the 22nd, which is coming up here fast, I am leading a workshop called from idea to done. So if you have an idea that you can't figure out how to make reality, I have a tool that I'm going to share with you. The workshop includes a workshop of live workshop and conversation with me and a template that you're going to have access to to actually walk you through this process of taking your idea from idea to done. And then you are going to have access to me for not quite two weeks, it's going to be on the 22nd the workshop and you'll have access to me through the end of the following week.

 I forget the date off top my head, I think it's March 2 to help you through your template. So the workup workshop, sign up, I will add into the show notes. Please come play with us. If you have an idea that you're like, man, it's an idea and I can't quite get my arms around and I can't quite figure out how to make it reality. Let's do that together. It's gonna be so fun. The template is fabulous. I've had clients and friends using it. Everybody is raving about it. It's worth the cost alone of the workshop to have the template believe you mean. So let us talk about what happens when life heats your business. So you know, for me, this episode really comes out of talking to people about my 2023 in the second half of it. 

You know, my kids are busy, we play a lot of sports, all of that is normal, we know how to navigate that I had a relatively close family member die over the summer unexpectedly that really rocked my world. We were having issues with one of our dogs, which eventually led us to finding her a better home situation than us, which was incredibly hard, right. And that was part of the fall and you know, the regular illnesses and things that happen in life in between. And those are just the big things and there were other things but um, you don't need to know them all. 

What you need to know is that there were a lot of things and I felt a lot of the time like I was spending far more time on the day to day life things that we were trying to figure our way through that I was on the work. And as you know because this has happened to you too. It'd be you start to feel bad because you know you have a business you know you have people you serve. You know you have things you want to accomplish and do you want to contribute to your family you Want to, you know, be a good, I want to contribute to my family,


I want to be a good model for my kids, I want to be available to my clients, I want to help more people, I want to build new things, I want to do all this stuff. And when other things are going on, it's not it can't be first, right? Sometimes, no matter how important work is, to us, it's not first. And so you know, I continue to grow my business continue to grow, my fourth quarter in 2023 is the biggest quarter I've ever had, by by a fair amount, even though I had all these other things going on. And so part of what I've really had to practice in the last six, seven months, is how to continue forward even when, right even when all the things were going on, and I wasn't sure how much time I could give, and I wasn't sure what to do. 

That's what I had to figure out. So what I realized when I was talking to a client about this six weeks ago or so, is that I actually, I know, you're gonna laugh, I actually kind of have a process for this a really simple one. It's got four tiny little steps. And you know, only two of them are actually doing anything. And what I want to do today is give you this process, so that when your life eat your business, and you're like holy crap, I'm not good at anything anywhere, you can take a minute and feel okay about what you're accomplishing know what matters. Come forward, do the thing. So I have my little cheat paper. I'm gonna give you the whole list.

 So the first thing I do always and I do this most days anyways, is asked myself this one really important question. And it is what really matters. And I mean really matters. And when I say that, what I mean is like, what really matters, what is moving my business and my work and my people forward today? Because that's it. If it is not something when when the things are crumbling around you what you're not worried about is what's going to move them forward and 18 months, what you're worried about is today, and I would love to tell you that I was always super forward thinking and I always keep what's going on in five years in mind. And that would be a bold faced lie. 

Right? What I really do is like, Okay, what is creating the most progress right now, for me, the things that really matter every single time, our client calls, connecting to new people, and sharing period, like that's my list. It is showing up for my people. It is meeting new people and showing myself out in the world and being a part of the world around me. Although I will say, you know, the second half of 2023, I did about half as much connecting with new people that I normally do. I try for like my goal for 2024. in meeting new people, one on one context 125, the second half of last year, I was pretty under my average rate. 

And that was because I just simply didn't have the space. I didn't have the physical calendar space, but I also didn't have the mental space. And I wasn't it's not fun to show up to calls with new people that don't know you when you're just sad. Right? Like, it's it's not good for either of us. So, you know, sometimes I had to reconsider and recalibrate because I just wasn't in a space where I could do it. Right then and and that's, that's okay. So client calls connecting, helping and sharing showing up in the world asking the questions, thinking about work. 

You know, a lot of times the client calls take time because they're like time people things, but the connecting and the helping and sharing like they're things I do I write the posts from the baseball field or the car while I'm waiting outside the rack gym or from you know, waiting at whatever appointment or sitting on the couch at night or sitting on the couch really early in the morning if I can't sleep because sometimes I can't sleep or from wherever I happen to be, I will dead stop in the middle of the street while I'm watching walking the dog. I will try to move over to the side of the road. Sometimes I don't do that well either. 

But it's not a busy street. So it's okay. And write down the little bits of ideas I'm having as I walk because sometimes I have all the ideas when I walk so that I can use them later when I have a minute. Like I just try to fit things in the spaces that I have. Rather than be like, Oh my gosh, I don't have three hours for this today. I try to fit things in the spaces that have that's that's my job. So that's the first thing I do. That's the question. The second one is not a doing thing. And I'm sorry in advance because when I realized this is I was like I hate giving this advice. 

But the second thing I do, and this is, this is huge thing to do, right? This is a big deal. But it is both really simple to say and really hard to do. The second thing is to allow to allow the answer to what really matters to be enough. Like, if I look at my list, and I decide today, the client call, the connection, and the two posts are the things that matter. Once I get through those things, I am done. And I am going to allow that to be enough. I'm going to walk away, but the things down, and then learn to fight another day or live to fight another day, I'm going to get up tomorrow and do it again. 

So what this is about really is not then is like not looking at the list, deciding what is important, doing those things, and then walking around feeling like you didn't do enough. It's not a great way, it's not a great look, it's not a way to function. It's not kind to you or to anybody else. And it sucks to feel like you're behind and you're not doing the things all the time, but we control that, like it is our job to decide that we have done enough today. You know, even Monday, this week, today's Wednesday, Monday this week was one of those days where I was like, whoa, what matters today.

 And then I did the things I was like, I shouldn't be doing more things. I was like, Oh, wait, no, no, no, I agreed, we agreed. I made this little agreement with myself about what mattered. And then I needed to walk away, and go do other things that needed to be done in this house in this life, with the people for the people in other areas. That's, you know, in that's the thing, part of the reason I have a business part of the reason so many people, especially women, especially parents go into business, is for flexibility. And if what you're going to do is agree with yourself on the list of things that matter, and then decide to feel like crap, or to make yourself feel like crap, because you didn't do more than the list. 

Like book stats, the fastest way to burn yourself out, honestly. So I don't choose that. It's not always something I do well, like none of us are perfect at that. Sometimes I'm like, oh my god, what the heck, like last week here, my kids went to a day and a half of school between a holiday and two snow days and a delayed open. There were a lot of things that had to come off the list. And by Friday, I was feeling really like I had, I had failed. But also I had to pause and put that down and allow what was enough to be enough and move on. Because it's like playing a sport, right? 

My son plays baseball, I watched this in, you know, in, in Major League Baseball, if they play 81 games, or whatever a year, they play every you know, like four days a week. If they carried every loss with them from game to game, by the end of the season, they'd be heartbroken. You have to finish the game, let it go and move on to the next one. And that is exactly when when life is nuts. You got to finish the day, do as much as you can let it go and move on to the next one. That's the practice here. I know it is easier to say than do but I also have to practice it. 

The third thing is is a part of this allowance. I actually made it a third step because I think it is important. I had like allow an accept together in the same step. And then I looked at it for a while and I was like, no, they're different. So I asked myself what really matters. I allow the answer to be enough and allowed doing that to be enough. And then I accept that sometimes all the time really. life matters more than business. The reason I do business is to do life in a particular way. Right? I do this to serve the people I've I know that I can help. I do this to be a model for my kids for what's possible. I do this for the flexibility it brings my life and my family. I do this for the income but also for the joy of being able to help other people create their income.


But ultimately, sometimes life has to come first at matters more. My business matters. So I got an extra child in my world. And also, if my actual child is is struggling, I do that first. And that is okay. I accept. And I've had to practice accepting that sometimes. What it means to own a business is that it's second and that's okay. Like it's got to be the way I think about balance. We talk all the time about finding balance Let's think balance is doing what matters most when it matters. So if what you are doing in this moment is the thing that matters most, you're in balance, period. Right? Balance is a destination. It's something that changes all the time. 

But from moment to moment, are you doing the thing that matters most, then great carry on. Maybe it's a work thing. Maybe it's not. So what? Maybe it's, you know, spending that hour with the kid that really is struggling, maybe it is spending an hour exercising, because you will be a better person with it, because I know I am. Maybe it is resting, maybe it is learning a new skill, I am teaching myself very slowly and very painfully, not painfully, very slowly, low to crochet, like I decided that I needed something else, some other outlet. And my I made a hat. It's sad. It's kind of funky looking, I'm not sure it's my best work. But also my kid wears it. So go me. And so you know, this acceptance of like, this is where I am right now, is really important. Because if we are like, right, I'm here, but I should be over there. That's the guilt.

 That's the drama, that's the dread. That's the, that's the resistance. That's the all the things that like, it's like packing a suitcase full of crazy and putting it on your back and carrying it around, it's so much extra. And you know, when life is hard already, when there is grief, when there is work when there is stuff to figure out and you're scared when there's health things when there's other stuff, man, we don't need extra suitcases full of crazy. We don't need to pile on that sucks. So we don't need to do it. So we can accept that we're doing what matters most in the moment. And sometimes that has to be life. And then the last step here I know is to ask another question, what time? What resources? And what help do I need to get where I want to go? In both life and business? 

So, you know, we feel guilty when we're doing one or the other, we really want both. So then when it's like chaos, and when it feels like you're out of whack, and you're doing one and not the other and your life has eaten your business, take a second. What time what resources and what help? Do you need to get what you want? And both in both areas. Sometimes there's not a clear answer for me, sometimes I have to ask my husband for more, more time of his sometimes I have to delegate better, sometimes I have to let the the resources I have in my business do their thing. Sometimes I need to reach out to you know, like I there's a new counselor right there, I sometimes I need other stuff. 

Sometimes I need a different kind of exercise, I needed a crocheting outlet, I have a little tiny art outlet that I'm playing with. Right? I needed other ways to do things, other ways to let my brain sort of relax. What time resources and help? Do you need to thrive? And both? Sometimes you won't know the answer right away. But often when I asked that question, one thing comes up where it's like, oh, you know what I do need right now. I need to, you know, take an hour to sit down and do these three work things. And if I can get those done, I'll feel so much better. Great. Take an hour. I need a little bit of space where I'm not here in this house full of people. Okay, go shopping, go anywhere. Sometimes for me, it's anywhere but here. It's fine. Go take a walk, go to the park, the dog and I have been going to the park a lot. 

You know, whatever you ask that question, whatever answer comes up as the answer. And that's we're back to that allow and accept. So it's what really matters? And what time resources and help do I need to get where I want in both areas? Right? Those two questions paired with the allowance in the acceptance are are how I did the last seven months. Truly. There are how I do a lot of it. I'm being really honest, it's how I do every day. Some days feel easier than others, right? And then, you know, stuff gets crazy and it's like oh, man, okay, how do I reset again? This is the reset. 

Sometimes life feature business. That doesn't mean it's dying. Doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, doesn't mean you're not gonna grow as quick Clearly, it doesn't mean you're not going to serve people, it doesn't mean you're a failure, it doesn't mean any of that. So we don't have to make it mean it. What we can do is remember that that is okay. That it is safe to do more life than business sometimes doesn't hurt us, that when we acknowledge that we're whole people, and we have multiple means, that's not wrong. And that if we have helped that we need, we're allowed to ask for it. That's it. So for you, if your life is eating your business right now, I hear you, I see you, I get it. If you need somebody to just have a conversation with you about it, even if it's not coaching, if it's not anything you can call me and say, hey, my life is eating my business. 

Can we talk about it? Like, I always have time for you? Period. I don't care. You know, what, I love you to be a client someday short. But do is that what matters first? Nope. People matter first. So reach out. If you're feeling really stuck, reach out. If you are in the world, and you're feeling really alone, come join the uncomplicated business, Facebook community. It is a community. It's full of people who care. And you can be in it with us. Calm, talk, calm, let me connect you to new people that you'll enjoy. Because that's one of my favorite things to do. I did that for somebody this week. And I was like, Oh, and here are the other people you should know and connect with so much fun. And please just know that this happens to all of us. It happens to me. I see it in all of my friends and colleagues, businesses, I see it in my mentors, businesses, I see it everywhere. Life happens. 

We can't avoid that. But what we can avoid is falling into a hole and hating ourselves as a result. So for me for you know that stuff's gonna happen. And you can keep going keep going