Welcome, welcome to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Let's talk about burnout. As, as a segue goes, that's how we're gonna jump right in today. Before we do, I want to mention a couple of resources for you. If you are not in my Facebook group you should be if this is a topic that is part of your world, and you entrepreneur and mom and business own and teach, and partner and collaborate and connect and give and help. And I my Facebook group is the place for you. It is the same name as this podcast on complicating business for teachers, helpers, and givers. And you belong with us, like we're here for you. And that group is all about being here for you. It's resources and videos and people who get it. 

And that matters, community matters. So if you're not in there, come join us. Also, if you are listening to this podcast, and you're like, yeah, she gets it man. Seeds, I would love if you would be willing to read it on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen, or give it a review, or better yet, share it with someone you love. Because that is how Apple or whatever platform Nose Nose isn't useful for you and serves it to other people. So any help in that regard is a good thing, because it's all about reaching as many ears and as many people being helped as possible. 

That being said, let's talk about burnout. So here's the thing. I've been thinking a lot about this lately, because I see it so much and other people and it is something I have had to really work hard at as a business owner. No one starts their day, they think like today is the day I'm going to burn out yay, me. No one wants this. But at the same time, most people that I know who business owner, and teach and mom and Parent or Parent and partner and do all the things, we skirt the edges of it basically all the time, more often than we'd like to admit. 

Because not only are we trying to grow a business, but we're trying to grow other humans. We're trying to help we're trying to serve we're trying to you know, like, get things done in our houses and make sure the house on the outside doesn't look crazy and make sure that dogs are walked in people are fed and all the things. And I think that the world of entrepreneurship, particularly how it is taught to us like the way it is framed out on the internet, in the books by the experts on the big big podcast is framed in such a way that like expects us to burnout, right?

 That we're expected, you know, to put in 1,000% until we make it to make every single phone call to make ourselves do the things that we don't want to do, even when they feel icky because that's the way it's done and no. So this week, I want to share with you a process in for me, it's a couple of years process, but I think it is hackable, I know what's hackable. Because I've taught some people to do it clients, one on one, we talk about it a little bit in small group coaching. Also, I want to share with you the process of thinking that I think is has saved me from burnout, and I've seen it save others, I think that this is probably not going to be what you expect. I know we're sure that it is different than most of the advice on like, how not to burn out. Because all of that advice is given from you know, being in the system, right?

 You know, if you're working 50 hours on every you know, three days a week, then maybe work 50 hours, two days a week, like that's not the recipe you need your brain to turn off. So I want to share this process with you and how to think about it all differently. So for me for a second if you can, if you're not driving, just pause and imagine a cake. Yes, we're going to we're gonna solve burnout with cake. But why you would imagine like a wedding cake. I know deal. Something with tears. And I want you to imagine it having five tiers a big one on the bottom, and then each layer getting progressively smaller as you get to the top right. So this is the cake. And this is the cake that helps us to not get burned out. Right? 

We're going to do is we're going to think of this cake from the bottom layer to the top. And when we get to the top layer by layer we're going to like burn out prove ourselves and this is the way I think about it. So the bottom step of learning not to burn out the lovely thing about this cake analogy before I go too far is you don't have to have every layer of the cake before you're really in a much better place. Okay, actually like the second layers far enough. For most people, it doesn't take long to really tone down the stress and the stress response in the fight or flight in the all the things that have a skirting the edge of burnout.

 Like when your brain goes off 1000 mile a minute, all night long. It's this we can get better. So the bottom layer of the cake if you want to imagine it, and you can make it whatever flavor you want, I was talking to I shared this analogy with somebody recently, they made every layer of the cake a different layer. That's totally cool. To me, that's the best kind of cake I can think of the bottom layer is the starting layer, right? It is learning to try things and not be mean about them. Right? 

It's learning to try, fail, try again. Here's the thing, if we don't have this process, we're we're allowed to fail, where we try it, and we make the best of it and we step out and we start, it becomes very difficult to do anything in business or anything new even, right. Because if we don't have permission to screw it up, then then we are expecting perfectionism. And that's not going to happen, we know that we do, we logically know. And even though we expected we want to be perfect, but it's not on the table. It's not in the cards.

So step one is learning how to try and do but also to fail effectively. Which sucks and nobody likes to fail, but it's part of the game like none of us is perfect. We are all going to screwed up. I was just sharing the other day about in my Facebook group about how you know making the mistakes of the inevitable. So we might as well just accept that make them faster and get done with it. Right? Like we're wasting time trying to avoid mistakes that we're not going to avoid can't avoid them all. That's the first layer. 

The second layer, it's like okay, I can try fail do again. I can try fail do again. I can try fail do again. Okay, and I learn as I go, fine. I'm started great. You're like cool. Check. The second layer up on the cake from the bottom. Is this is a tricky one highness. You're like, wait, what? I have to do things and then I have to be kind about it. Why it's what what watch? Yes, this is the graceful layer. So here's what the thing is, in this kindness layer. The idea is that we don't need to carry around the guilt. The shoulds the you know, in the in the first layer on the bottom, you learn to fail. And second layer in the Lair about kindness we learned not to be jerks about it. So for me, I think that process took a whole year.

 And honestly, I don't think it's done yet. But you know, like 2020 2021 this is what I was working on this idea that I could try and do and step out. And also be kind to myself be graceful about it. That when I screwed up when I made a mistake, when I failed when something didn't go to plan, I didn't then have to pile on myself. That when I chose to hang out with my kids, rather than work, I didn't have to feel bad about it. Or when I chose work instead of hanging out with my kids, I didn't have to feel bad about it. When I chose to give myself a half hour to walk the dogs, because I need a break that I didn't then come back here and make myself work an extra hour because I took a half hour break. Right?

 This is about kindness. And honestly, this is the beginning like if you catch this step, this just second idea. Burnout becomes much less of an issue because burnout is really about the pushing plus the guilt, right? People burn out because not only are we push push, push, push pushing, but we're mean about it. Like no one's meaner to ourselves to us than ourselves. Right? We are phenomenally unkind to ourselves. So if you can catch this idea that in practice it like I spent a year going okay, you know what would be what's, what's the kindness I need right now? And literally asking myself I asked myself in my journal probably 300 times in a year and then not only asking but doing that thing, because that's a whole separate conversation. Doing thing is just that much harder. It's like what do I actually need right now? Well, if I what I actually need right now is a break. Taking it.

What do I actually need her Now as to have a 10 minute conversation with somebody who's knows nothing about what I'm doing and doesn't give a shit than taking it. If what I need right now is to have my kids. Great, go do that. So that's step two. And now we're going to work up to the third tier, right in the middle of the cake. Once we can learn to try and do and fail, and then we can be nice to ourselves about it. The next step on the path towards no more burnout ever again, is trusting yourself. I know, I know, you're like you are this is the worst. But it's not. It makes sense. It's like, okay, how do I proceed? When I trust myself? When I trust my ideas, when I trust my process, when I trust my voice, when I trust my business? What does that look like? Here's the thing, it's very hard to burn out. 

When you're not questioning every decision, when you're like, Nope, this is the right thing to do. And sometimes you'll know the right thing to do is take a rest. When you trust that the you can't be late for your own life, you can't be late for your own success, that everything is coming on schedule, that the people who need you are finding their way that you know how to say the thing that they want to hear. They need to hear that will help them. When you trust all of that. There's so much less doubt and drama and stuff in your brain. That the it's very difficult to burnout, right? It becomes a very difficult thing to do. Because you're like, No, I got this.

 And generally speaking, if you know you've got this, you then also aren't mean to yourself. You do things and fail and think, okay, that failed, I still got this. And most of the people I know that really trust themselves and their business in their process aren't working 900 hours a week, if that's not what they need to be doing. If they feel exhausted, they stop. When you trust yourself and your needs, and you're nice about them. When you need a break, you take it and we don't get burned out if we actually rest. If we're nice to ourselves. If we trust that we can, we're going to get back up. I think this is the hard one for me for trust.

 People always say to me, well, but But I worry if I stop, I won't come back. But if I start watching Netflix, I'll never turn it off. Here's the thing, you trust yourself. You will come back, we just needed a break. So what not a bad thing. So that's three. The next tear up tear number four. This is the one I feel like I'm working on this year. I know for a fact that I'm working on right now. And it is working on joy. So not only and I try and fail and do and fail and step out and start and do things. Not only am I nice to myself about it, not only do I trust that it will work and myself and I know that I'm going to do the things I need to do. But I can let it be joyful. I can let it be fun. I can let it be like oh my gosh, that's amazing. 

I can be delighted by the things happening in my life and business. And I can just be delighted like I can't, there's no cost to that. I can be delighted and not feel like I have to trade and delight or like drama. Or like because I feel delighted about what's going on in my business. Now I have to go over here and do something that makes me miserable. I can just be delighted all the time. That's crazy. Right? It feels crazy to me. I'm still working on it, obviously. But this idea that I can work with joy, I feel like is the absolute opposite of burnout. Like that I can find love and delight and fun. Inside of my work. Even the hard stuff, day in and day out is like Oh, that is completely not the way entrepreneurship is built for most people. 

That's why we burn out because we lose joy, right? Burnout is the opposite of that burnout is no joy at all. And so for me, this idea that like I can be joyfully me and my business feels like the absolute 180 degree opposite of burnout. And then here's the last step, the very top tier cake which I don't think I'm at, but I know is the tear at the top. And I think that is totally possible. is openness, open to receive answered. So for me, I think this idea is that I I am both willing to give help and receive it at all times that I am happy to ask for help and to be asked for help, that I am open to people's ideas and feedback, that none of what comes at me makes me feel like a bad person. And I don't think that's possible for it to be like, I'm never ever going to feel that.

 But I also think it's possible that I can be a much more open and flexible container to be seen. And that sounds really interesting, but it sounds nothing like burnout. Right? So here's what I think about this cake. I am applying pure to entrepreneurship. But I also think it applies to other areas of our lives, like parenting. Like, I think in work, in my business, I am at the stage where I'm working on being joyful. And that's a cool place to be, I've learned to be nice to myself, I've learned to trust myself. I think as a parent, of an 11 year old daughter, I think that I'm at kindness. I think that I am at level two, maybe even level one sometimes I have not figured out how to completely trust myself. I have not figured out how to be joyful about it.

 Most of the time, I am really working on like, How can I be helpful to her? And also be nice to me? How can I not be so hard on myself? When something I feel like I didn't do it? Right? How can I not have the guilt? How can I should myself less, you know, so I feel like there's I'm at a different stage in this as a parent, than I am as a business owner, feel like I'm at a different stage of this as as a partner as a spouse, right? I'm not always in the same place. Like I'm not always completely free burn out there. I feel like I'm in a different place of that. With it as as a friend sometimes. Right? 

So we have all these different areas of our lives. But I think this cake applies to all of them. So for you today, I wonder where you are in the cake as a business owner? Like did you even know these things were things I wonder where you are in the cake as a as a partner, as a friend, as a parent, as a volunteer, right? As a leader? You can apply it wherever you like. And then how do you move from one part of the cake to the other? If you know you're in the stage where you've kind of got this kindness thing down. Now it's time to move on to trust like then what? How do you want to focus on that? For me, as a business owner, I'm focusing on joy this year, and what that looks like. I wonder what it looks like for you. 

I think we can all add more kindness, more trust, more joy and more openness to everything, but particularly entrepreneurship. Burnout becomes much less of a problem. Right? And this might be a years long pursuit certainly is for me, never going to catch this entirely. Never gonna be perfect. That's okay. Because I'm not trying for perfect. I'm trying for better than average, right? I'm trying to do the thing that works for me, that serves me that feels good to me, and lets me make impact without the burnout. And I think you can do the same. 

So if you have questions about this, come talk to me about that. If you have thoughts about it, send them to me on email. I'm Sarah at Torpey coaching.com. Or come to LinkedIn or in my Facebook group, and let's talk about it. If you're thinking like holy crap, this is exactly what I need to work on. Great. Let's do that. You can book a time to talk about one on one coaching on my website. The link to that is in the show notes. And you can also talk to me about group coaching, which is available in the fall. So the next round of group coaching group coaching is closed right now, because groups are full. But the next round of group coaching will start in October and we will fill up all the spaces in September. So if that's something interesting to you, please feel free to reach out. I'm happy to talk about it now. If you want to just chat and connect, feel free to reach out and please if you want to share this episode with somebody that you think that needs to hear it too. I would love if you did that. Thanks so much.