Teachers in Business

Too pushy, too salesy, too braggy...How to STOP letting the 'toos' hold you BACK!

September 21, 2021 Sara Torpey Season 1 Episode 42
Teachers in Business
Too pushy, too salesy, too braggy...How to STOP letting the 'toos' hold you BACK!
Show Notes Transcript

We ALL get the 'toos'. 

The 'toos' are when we're worried that we're going to be TOO something...to pushy, too spammy, too salesy, too braggy, too agressive - and then we hold ourselves BACK to avoid going too far. 

So what's the issue with this? 

We were NEVER in real danger of going too far - so when we hold ourselves back all we're doing is holding ourselves back (for no reason!). 

This week on the Teachers in Business podcast we're going to talk about how to identify your 'toos', and how to STOP holding yourself back because of them. 

(Hint, instead of avoiding the toos we're going to EMBRACE THEM!)

Welcome, welcome to another episode of Teachers in Business. This week, we are talking about kind of what I think of as like a mindset hack, as it were, we're talking about being to something. So if you sit down, and you think for a little while about you listen to your own brain, and your own sort of soundtrack of your thoughts, right, the things you think over and over and over again, I think 99 times out of 100, we have some repeating thoughts that we each have where we're being to something. It goes like this for me, it's like, if I do this, people will think I'm too pushy. I have a dear friend, she worries about being too outrageous. People will think you're too I mean, the word you everybody's got their own too salesy, too awkward, too pushy, too bossy, too aggressive, too forward. I have a client who talks all the time about feeling too braggy. Like she's being boastful. It's too boastful. I have friends and colleagues that talk about feeling like they're being too much just in general, we all have this little soundtrack, right? We have this repeating rut in our brains. And one of the most important things you can do as a business owner, is know that that's happening, and actively proactively intentionally Think about it. So this week, I'm going to offer you some ideas about what to do when you find your two thing. Or it might be a couple of things, and and how to move forward anyways, because the ultimate thing is this out of billions of people on earth, somebody thinks you're to something right now, right? somebody thinks I'm too aggressive. somebody thinks I'm too salesy. They think I'm too much they think I should just go back to teaching. Somebody recently told me that I was too, my coaching business was too personal. And that because of that, it wasn't going to succeed. So like, Whoa, all the thoughts there. So this week, we're really going to talk about what to do with this. Because I know particularly for people who are teachers, one of the things that happens time and time again, is you worry about being much

like I do too pushy, particularly when you get to the part of business where you're asking people for money for what you do. Immediately, we feel like it's too much to ask for someone to pay money to receive our help. And that's, that's, that's the problem, right? Because if you're not going to ask people to pay money to get the resource you're offering to get the service you're offering, then you're not going to have a business. And so as a teacher, this is a big mindset hurdle. In a lot of cases, sometimes, actually, some of the hurdle is too successful. We're worried that if things go really well that our teacher friends will think differently of us. So I have a little question flow that I'm going to share with you today. This might be one of the episodes that you don't listen to while you're walking the dog, or you listen to twice, I tend to listen to episodes like this twice the first time I walk the dog. And the second time I sit down with a pen. But you might want to grab a pen if you have one handy. So there are a couple of steps here. The first step is to identify your too much thought. What is it for you? What is the feeling that comes up that you tell yourself what is the thought, and it might not be something that comes to you right away? You may just have to listen to yourself for a couple of days.

 

That's fine. I didn't realize that I was worried that I was being too pushy. Right out of the gate. It took me a little while of listening to myself and hearing myself I can remember sitting at my desk and thinking like, gosh, that's way too pushy. And I was like, oh, what would there was? And it was like thing I heard myself. So and you might have a couple that's okay. list them out. So the first step is hearing it what do you worry that you're to anything? Have I talked to a new client last week and she said, You know, it's not really the strangers I'm worried about. It's the people I used to work with that I think are gonna think I'm too aggressive. Okay. So the second question to think about is Who are you worried is thinking that Are you thinking that like the internet at large? And Facebook is thinking this view? Is it strangers? Is it past colleagues? Is it family members? Is it friends? Are there people actually saying these things to you? Or is it just an internal worry, identify who you're most concerned about having this thought. For me, it tends to be people in my world that I know. other moms, friends, ex colleagues, you know, all you know, more, much more so known quantities than unknown quantities, because be taught to be quite honest. Like, I don't actually care what the people who don't know me think of me. But I'm sure they think, you know, things that aren't super flattering, at least few of them. But I do have thoughts about like, what people I know, think of me, and those are my worries.

 

If you are worried, it's helpful to really know who you're worried is thinking that. And then I would ask yourself, take whatever one to feeling so pushy. Think about what you have to offer for a minute. So for me, it is business coaching. For me it is helping teachers who own businesses actually thrive in business. And then once I think about who I'm worried about, if they're thinking I'm being too pushy, I have to ask myself, does it matter? So for me, the thought goes like this, okay. I feel like they're gonna think I'm too pushy, pushy. Okay, the person, I'm worried about thinking I'm too pushy. I went to high school or middle school or college with, okay. Does it matter if somebody I went to middle school with thinks I'm too pushy? No. Actually, probably not. Because if they think I'm too pushy, they're probably not my person, they're probably not going to do business with me, and they're probably not who I'm looking for anyways. So does it matter? And actually, the other question I asked myself a lot, fairly directly is do I care? Like, if so and so if you know, that kid I went to high school with if my colleagues at the last business I worked in think that I am too pushy? do I care? Do I want them to stand in the way of my success? Well, no. And actually, you know, the next question is to just step back for a second. What does it actually mean to be to whatever your verb is pushy for me? What does it actually mean to be too pushy? Like, what does that actually look like? Like grounded in reality? What would it really mean? If you were too pushy? Think about the people that you think are too pushy, that you've had that thought about? And, and think about what it really would mean to be too aggressive, too. salesy too pushy, too bossy, to whatever to braggy what does it really mean to be that? Right? What does it look like? And is it really even possible? Because here's the thing, so often I say to clients, you know, what is what are you worried about? And my client that will say to me, Well, I feel like it's gonna be too braggy they're literally for her human brain is zero. And I do mean big giant, zero, like as many zeros in a row as you like, zero chance of her ever coming off as braggy. She's so very humble, and so very sincere, and so incredibly good at what she does. There's no chance she's coming off as boastful or braggy ever. But she has this recurring thought that that's what's going to happen.

 

So for her to think, like, Is it really even possible for me to come off as bragging? And to come up with will? Probably not like, I'd have to go pretty freakin far to get there. Then that really helps. Because when you're like, I feel like this is gonna be to brag. It's like, Wait, is that actually a thing? Because so often, like the idea that I could be too pushy, I guess could be a thing, but not really. It's not really a thing in my business, because I'm not gonna send 24 emails a day, like, I don't have that kind of time. So the things that it would take for me to be too pushy to people. I don't have the bandwidth to do, honestly. So I'm not gonna end up being too pushy. Okay, would it be okay, if I offered something to someone and they got uncomfortable? Is that being pushy? And for me, the answer to that is no. Sometimes when someone offers us a solution, it makes us uncomfortable. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I am willing to take that risk.

 

So then, you know, are you willing to feel this feeling in order for your business to say Are you willing to be too? salesy pushy, uncomfortable, aggressive braggy. If your success if the distance between you and success is entirely made up, you're willing to feel to whatever. Are you willing to do it? I am like sometimes I feel really pushy. I know that I'm not like, logically I can find my way to I'm not. But I'm also not willing to allow the people who need help from me who are my clients who benefit from being teachers who grow successful businesses, I'm not willing to let them flounder around and wander and not get what they need and not have help, and not have clear direction and not have great pricing and not feel really good about what they're doing. I'm willing to let them to have that happen. Just because I don't want to feel pushy, like that's bananas. I feel like that's selfish. So I'm not willing to put myself that way, in the way of their progress, because I say, I'm here to serve them. I'm here to serve you. So I'm willing to feel too pushy. And then here's the next question. If you were willing to feel too pushy, what are the potential rewards? What are the potential upsides of it? If you were willing to feel too pushy, too salesy too aggressive, too, whatever? Would it mean that more people would know what you're doing? Would it mean that you might get more potential inquiries? Would it mean that you would be more visible in your space? Would it mean that you might end up in a position of leadership? Would it mean that you would be chosen for jobs and interviews and other things? Would it mean that you would have opportunities that you might not have had otherwise? Probably, right. So taking the step to be to gives you benefits? And I'm so often the benefits outweigh the discomfort that comes with being too whatever that thing is? And then here's the last question, this one helps me. It's so often it is how will you know if you are being too, like, if you came to the point that it like would even be remotely possible that you were being too pushy or too aggressive or too salesy, or whatever it's not. But like, if you were to sit down and think like, how would I know? What evidence would I get from the world? back at me? To be sure that I know that that's I've gone too far? Like, it's probably like people yelling at you on Facebook, and everybody unsubscribing from your email list? And like, Oh, no, but here's the thing, if you make a list of what that evidence is, you'll see that it's not going to happen. You'll have it in case you need it, in case you ever do really go way too far. But the odds of you going way too far or not? Like it is mathematically just very, very small. So think about what it would look like if you were too far, what kind of feedback you'd get back if you really actually went too far. And then what the chances of you doing that actually are, they're pretty small. And then decide you are willing to be too whatever it is, I am willing to be too pushy. Are you willing to be too braggy too salesy to something, too over the top? All I love my too over the top people, because they are out in the world making huge waves like are you willing to be too over the top to bring big change to others? Absolutely. That's your homework for this week. Go think about and try these questions out, identify what your twos are. And think about how to work through them think about working with them instead of against them and moving forward even when those feelings and if what you're feeling right now is a little too brave, or you're feeling energized or you're feeling I don't know too excited. 

 

One of the things you ought to consider is the new small group program I'm launching in October, I am launching the Teacher ß à Business Owner small group coaching program, I am going to take five small, five teachers who are leading businesses, and we are going to work together for six months to grow businesses. on four basic principles. We're going to work on clarity. We're going to work on connections, we're going to work on invitations and we're going to work on sales and around that we're going to work on some of the process skills that come with business. But we are going to make a little family. We are going to work together as a team and we're all going to grow as a result. I'm going to be there to lead and to coach and everybody's going to have each other to depend on, but it is going to truly be a small collaborative, think like professional learning communities at their best from a school building version of growing a business. 

 

So if you are feeling alone, you are feeling confused, you are feeling like you need direction, but one on one maybe isn't the right fit for you. If you are feeling like you need family in business, you need other people to get what you're doing and why you're doing it, and have the same kinds of hurdles and the same kinds of problems, where you could learn together and learn from each other. That is exactly what this program is going to be. You can go to my website, which is www.torpeycoaching.com, and you can go to the link for Teacher ß à Business Owner small group coaching, and you can book a time to talk about it. Because the way in is to have a one on one conversation just for half hour with me about what you're hoping to get out of it. You can see all the information on that page. It'll also be in my Facebook group. And if you're not in the Teachers in Business Facebook group you should be come join us with that if you have any questions. If you need me for anything, come find me on Facebook or on LinkedIn. Otherwise happy being to whatever your two is. I'm gonna go be too pushy. I'll talk to you soon. Have a great week.

Welcome, welcome to another episode of Teachers in Business. This week, we are talking about kind of what I think of as like a mindset hack, as it were, we're talking about being to something. So if you sit down, and you think for a little while about you listen to your own brain, and your own sort of soundtrack of your thoughts, right, the things you think over and over and over again, I think 99 times out of 100, we have some repeating thoughts that we each have where we're being to something. It goes like this for me, it's like, if I do this, people will think I'm too pushy. I have a dear friend, she worries about being too outrageous. People will think you're too I mean, the word you everybody's got their own too salesy, too awkward, too pushy, too bossy, too aggressive, too forward. I have a client who talks all the time about feeling too braggy. Like she's being boastful. It's too boastful. I have friends and colleagues that talk about feeling like they're being too much just in general, we all have this little soundtrack, right? We have this repeating rut in our brains. And one of the most important things you can do as a business owner, is know that that's happening, and actively proactively intentionally Think about it. So this week, I'm going to offer you some ideas about what to do when you find your two thing. Or it might be a couple of things, and and how to move forward anyways, because the ultimate thing is this out of billions of people on earth, somebody thinks you're to something right now, right? somebody thinks I'm too aggressive. somebody thinks I'm too salesy. They think I'm too much they think I should just go back to teaching. Somebody recently told me that I was too, my coaching business was too personal. And that because of that, it wasn't going to succeed. So like, Whoa, all the thoughts there. So this week, we're really going to talk about what to do with this. Because I know particularly for people who are teachers, one of the things that happens time and time again, is you worry about being much

like I do too pushy, particularly when you get to the part of business where you're asking people for money for what you do. Immediately, we feel like it's too much to ask for someone to pay money to receive our help. And that's, that's, that's the problem, right? Because if you're not going to ask people to pay money to get the resource you're offering to get the service you're offering, then you're not going to have a business. And so as a teacher, this is a big mindset hurdle. In a lot of cases, sometimes, actually, some of the hurdle is too successful. We're worried that if things go really well that our teacher friends will think differently of us. So I have a little question flow that I'm going to share with you today. This might be one of the episodes that you don't listen to while you're walking the dog, or you listen to twice, I tend to listen to episodes like this twice the first time I walk the dog. And the second time I sit down with a pen. But you might want to grab a pen if you have one handy. So there are a couple of steps here. The first step is to identify your too much thought. What is it for you? What is the feeling that comes up that you tell yourself what is the thought, and it might not be something that comes to you right away? You may just have to listen to yourself for a couple of days.

 

That's fine. I didn't realize that I was worried that I was being too pushy. Right out of the gate. It took me a little while of listening to myself and hearing myself I can remember sitting at my desk and thinking like, gosh, that's way too pushy. And I was like, oh, what would there was? And it was like thing I heard myself. So and you might have a couple that's okay. list them out. So the first step is hearing it what do you worry that you're to anything? Have I talked to a new client last week and she said, You know, it's not really the strangers I'm worried about. It's the people I used to work with that I think are gonna think I'm too aggressive. Okay. So the second question to think about is Who are you worried is thinking that Are you thinking that like the internet at large? And Facebook is thinking this view? Is it strangers? Is it past colleagues? Is it family members? Is it friends? Are there people actually saying these things to you? Or is it just an internal worry, identify who you're most concerned about having this thought. For me, it tends to be people in my world that I know. other moms, friends, ex colleagues, you know, all you know, more, much more so known quantities than unknown quantities, because be taught to be quite honest. Like, I don't actually care what the people who don't know me think of me. But I'm sure they think, you know, things that aren't super flattering, at least few of them. But I do have thoughts about like, what people I know, think of me, and those are my worries.

 

If you are worried, it's helpful to really know who you're worried is thinking that. And then I would ask yourself, take whatever one to feeling so pushy. Think about what you have to offer for a minute. So for me, it is business coaching. For me it is helping teachers who own businesses actually thrive in business. And then once I think about who I'm worried about, if they're thinking I'm being too pushy, I have to ask myself, does it matter? So for me, the thought goes like this, okay. I feel like they're gonna think I'm too pushy, pushy. Okay, the person, I'm worried about thinking I'm too pushy. I went to high school or middle school or college with, okay. Does it matter if somebody I went to middle school with thinks I'm too pushy? No. Actually, probably not. Because if they think I'm too pushy, they're probably not my person, they're probably not going to do business with me, and they're probably not who I'm looking for anyways. So does it matter? And actually, the other question I asked myself a lot, fairly directly is do I care? Like, if so and so if you know, that kid I went to high school with if my colleagues at the last business I worked in think that I am too pushy? do I care? Do I want them to stand in the way of my success? Well, no. And actually, you know, the next question is to just step back for a second. What does it actually mean to be to whatever your verb is pushy for me? What does it actually mean to be too pushy? Like, what does that actually look like? Like grounded in reality? What would it really mean? If you were too pushy? Think about the people that you think are too pushy, that you've had that thought about? And, and think about what it really would mean to be too aggressive, too. salesy too pushy, too bossy, to whatever to braggy what does it really mean to be that? Right? What does it look like? And is it really even possible? Because here's the thing, so often I say to clients, you know, what is what are you worried about? And my client that will say to me, Well, I feel like it's gonna be too braggy they're literally for her human brain is zero. And I do mean big giant, zero, like as many zeros in a row as you like, zero chance of her ever coming off as braggy. She's so very humble, and so very sincere, and so incredibly good at what she does. There's no chance she's coming off as boastful or braggy ever. But she has this recurring thought that that's what's going to happen.

 

So for her to think, like, Is it really even possible for me to come off as bragging? And to come up with will? Probably not like, I'd have to go pretty freakin far to get there. Then that really helps. Because when you're like, I feel like this is gonna be to brag. It's like, Wait, is that actually a thing? Because so often, like the idea that I could be too pushy, I guess could be a thing, but not really. It's not really a thing in my business, because I'm not gonna send 24 emails a day, like, I don't have that kind of time. So the things that it would take for me to be too pushy to people. I don't have the bandwidth to do, honestly. So I'm not gonna end up being too pushy. Okay, would it be okay, if I offered something to someone and they got uncomfortable? Is that being pushy? And for me, the answer to that is no. Sometimes when someone offers us a solution, it makes us uncomfortable. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. I am willing to take that risk.

 

So then, you know, are you willing to feel this feeling in order for your business to say Are you willing to be too? salesy pushy, uncomfortable, aggressive braggy. If your success if the distance between you and success is entirely made up, you're willing to feel to whatever. Are you willing to do it? I am like sometimes I feel really pushy. I know that I'm not like, logically I can find my way to I'm not. But I'm also not willing to allow the people who need help from me who are my clients who benefit from being teachers who grow successful businesses, I'm not willing to let them flounder around and wander and not get what they need and not have help, and not have clear direction and not have great pricing and not feel really good about what they're doing. I'm willing to let them to have that happen. Just because I don't want to feel pushy, like that's bananas. I feel like that's selfish. So I'm not willing to put myself that way, in the way of their progress, because I say, I'm here to serve them. I'm here to serve you. So I'm willing to feel too pushy. And then here's the next question. If you were willing to feel too pushy, what are the potential rewards? What are the potential upsides of it? If you were willing to feel too pushy, too salesy too aggressive, too, whatever? Would it mean that more people would know what you're doing? Would it mean that you might get more potential inquiries? Would it mean that you would be more visible in your space? Would it mean that you might end up in a position of leadership? Would it mean that you would be chosen for jobs and interviews and other things? Would it mean that you would have opportunities that you might not have had otherwise? Probably, right. So taking the step to be to gives you benefits? And I'm so often the benefits outweigh the discomfort that comes with being too whatever that thing is? And then here's the last question, this one helps me. It's so often it is how will you know if you are being too, like, if you came to the point that it like would even be remotely possible that you were being too pushy or too aggressive or too salesy, or whatever it's not. But like, if you were to sit down and think like, how would I know? What evidence would I get from the world? back at me? To be sure that I know that that's I've gone too far? Like, it's probably like people yelling at you on Facebook, and everybody unsubscribing from your email list? And like, Oh, no, but here's the thing, if you make a list of what that evidence is, you'll see that it's not going to happen. You'll have it in case you need it, in case you ever do really go way too far. But the odds of you going way too far or not? Like it is mathematically just very, very small. So think about what it would look like if you were too far, what kind of feedback you'd get back if you really actually went too far. And then what the chances of you doing that actually are, they're pretty small. And then decide you are willing to be too whatever it is, I am willing to be too pushy. Are you willing to be too braggy too salesy to something, too over the top? All I love my too over the top people, because they are out in the world making huge waves like are you willing to be too over the top to bring big change to others? Absolutely. That's your homework for this week. Go think about and try these questions out, identify what your twos are. And think about how to work through them think about working with them instead of against them and moving forward even when those feelings and if what you're feeling right now is a little too brave, or you're feeling energized or you're feeling I don't know too excited. 

 

One of the things you ought to consider is the new small group program I'm launching in October, I am launching the Teacher ß à Business Owner small group coaching program, I am going to take five small, five teachers who are leading businesses, and we are going to work together for six months to grow businesses. on four basic principles. We're going to work on clarity. We're going to work on connections, we're going to work on invitations and we're going to work on sales and around that we're going to work on some of the process skills that come with business. But we are going to make a little family. We are going to work together as a team and we're all going to grow as a result. I'm going to be there to lead and to coach and everybody's going to have each other to depend on, but it is going to truly be a small collaborative, think like professional learning communities at their best from a school building version of growing a business. 

 

So if you are feeling alone, you are feeling confused, you are feeling like you need direction, but one on one maybe isn't the right fit for you. If you are feeling like you need family in business, you need other people to get what you're doing and why you're doing it, and have the same kinds of hurdles and the same kinds of problems, where you could learn together and learn from each other. That is exactly what this program is going to be. You can go to my website, which is www.torpeycoaching.com, and you can go to the link for Teacher ß à Business Owner small group coaching, and you can book a time to talk about it. Because the way in is to have a one on one conversation just for half hour with me about what you're hoping to get out of it. You can see all the information on that page. It'll also be in my Facebook group. And if you're not in the Teachers in Business Facebook group you should be come join us with that if you have any questions. If you need me for anything, come find me on Facebook or on LinkedIn. Otherwise happy being to whatever your two is. I'm gonna go be too pushy. I'll talk to you soon. Have a great week.