5 Keys to Making Networking Work for You (and also NOT hating it...)

Well, welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm happy you're here. This week, we're gonna talk about networking. It's everybody's favorite thing, right? Like you're like, Yay, networking. That's what everybody says when they say networking, right? Well, actually, there are people that are like, Yay, networking, because they have figured out how to network effectively and not hate it. 

So here's the thing. As a teacher, nobody ever taught me how to network. No one ever said to me, You know what this is how you go out and meet new people. And you connect to new people, as a business owner and as a human. And also you make it so that you don't hate every, every loving minute of it. Networking is an art and a skill that is taught maybe in business school, I don't know, I know plenty of business people that don't know how to do it without selling you. So maybe it's not taught in business school, maybe it's something that some people just magically have, and others of us don't. And if you're introverted ish, like me, then then maybe you just didn't get that gene, I don't know. But I had to learn. And so what I have found over time is that there are a couple of really simple keys, I think there are five, to making networking work for you, and be really super effective for your business. No matter what you sell, no matter how you're trying to grow, it can be like the best tool in your pocket of all of the things you do and use. And it doesn't matter if your business is local or international. None of that matters. 

Networking can be a super effective tool for you. But also at the same time. You know, you can not hate it like you don't have to hate networking. It's fascinating, isn't it. So today on the podcast, we're going to talk about these five keys to becoming an effective networker and also not hating it. Because you know, you're not going to be great at something that makes you miserable. That's just the crux of it. If you're at networking and really not enjoying it, then then that is not going to get you where you want to go right. Before I dive into these five keys that are two things I want to remind you are out there. The first is the next round of group coaching starts next week, the first week in February, as I'm recording this a couple of weeks ahead of time, because I'm actually going on vacation at the end of January, our first ever like family winter beach vacation. So I'm like ridiculously excited and trying to be a little ahead. I don't know this far ahead of time, if there are still spots open. However, group coaching is magic. Like it is literal magic, it is the best possible version of you getting what you need, but also getting things you didn't know you needed. Because that is the magic of a small group coaching program in my groups are truly small, they are limited to four, they are really about making sure you as an individual get exactly what you need to move forward week in and week out. 

But that you also get the benefit of what everybody else needs all at the same time. It is the best version of your needs plus growth and being exposed to things you wouldn't have known or wouldn't have thought about or struggle with didn't realize without you know, having to figure it all out yourself. So groups run for 20 weeks, we're starting in February, we'll be done in June. And then the other thing is if your thing this year, or here's the thing, if you hate selling, that's it, you're tired of hating selling, I have a class that I'm launching in March, called selling by giving. And we are going to take the hating out of selling. If you want to be selling effectively if you want it's a lot like this networking thing. If you want to not hate it, then you not to want to not feel like it you every time you do it and feel slimy and you want to find a way that feels like you that way exists. I'm gonna teach you how to get it. Like the teacher in me has figured this out, I have figured this out how to sell in I hate it. I love all of the way I do sales process now. And you don't have to do it exactly my way we're gonna find your way but I'm gonna give you the base from which to start from. And then we in class are going to implement together because here's the thing, and I keep saying this in all things. 

Like, learning is great, but doing is better. So we're going to implement because I don't want you to take a class and just learn stuff and walk away and never use it. That sucks. We've all taken all those classes that's not worth your money worth your money is change and you are going to get change. So come join us for selling by giving. If you want to go find the details and you want to sign up you can do that right now. You can go to Torpey coaching.com forward slash workshops and you can grab it there it is ready for you to join. Okay, so let's talk about these five keys to networking first. Here's the first step. Key number one is to find opportunities that feel like you, but also, at the same time to be okay with being uncomfortable. So no one's first networking meeting felt amazing. Very rarely, right? The first time you go to networking, you feel like a weirdo period. That's just the crux of it. Like, nobody's comfortable with something brand new with a bunch of strangers. 

Unless you're like, a completely different person than I am. And maybe you're out there, there are those people they exist, they walk into a group and they own the room like, awesome, good for you. I'm super proud. I don't know very many of those people. Maybe they're not women in their 40s, I don't know. But here's the thing. Make yourself as, as less uncomfortable as possible, by finding something you like in advance. For example, I know for me, I am more comfortable in groups of women, where we're learning something like it's something lovely that I like learning in a group for me. And for most former teachers, honestly, for anyone that's really a teacher at heart. And y'all are teachers. Most teachers on some level, like want to learn stuff, we're like, I'm gonna go get a skill out of this. And if you meet new people along the way, yay, but either way, you got something right. So for me, that really helped me be less uncomfortable as a networker because I could go and learn stuff that I was curious about. And then also do the meeting people part. It doesn't matter how you do it, just find things that you're like, oh, yeah, that sounds interesting. Don't just pick a networking meeting and be like, I have to do this. I have to eat this smelly sock. Like, we're not trying to make it as hard as possible. 

So if you read the description of a group and event, it's something else and you're like, Oh, God, no, don't go with one. There's a billion networking events and people out there, pick something that you're like, oh, that sounds cool. Go to that one. I know it sounds really simple. But I'm shocked by the amount of time that people are like, well, this is just the event that's happening. So I felt like I had to go, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. If you think it's going to be miserable, it's going to be miserable. Don't go. Number two, when you go to the event, the real networking is not the event. I know. I know. I know, it is not the swapping of business cards. It is not the like, Hi, my name is Sarah, this is what I do. That's not the real networking. That's the first step. The real networking comes afterwards. The real networking comes from connecting to people one on one, this is the part I think they forget to teach anyone anywhere, like people are like, Oh, I went to this event, and then nothing happened. Yeah, that's true. Because what we have to do is then build connections from the event, the event is the introduction. So when you go to a networking event, and people are introducing themselves, or you meet somebody, and you get their business card, and you're like, 
Ah, she was kind of cool. Well start next to your name, and then follow up and be like, Hey, would you be game to meet one on one I say all the time, the message I send to people all the time is like it was great to meet you. You know, I thought what you did was really interesting. I would love to get you to know you a little better. Do you would you be game to hook up one on one either, you know, if it's somebody who doesn't live where I live, I say over zoom. And if it's somebody who lives here, like sometimes I say over zoom, because I'm not I don't have all the time to meet everyone for lunch or coffee. 

It depends on the person I I'm really like, strategic with that kind of stuff. I don't have lunch with just anybody. So because I I'm protective of that space, weirdly. And maybe that's good for me. And maybe it's not, I don't know, Judge me or whatever we like. But you know, say to people, I would love to get to know you better. Can we hop on a zoom call for a half hour, and then hop on the Zoom call and just get to know them better? Right? So take the next step, you do not have to connect one on one to everybody that was in the meeting. That's that this is not like connecting by quantity. This is like, Hey, she was really interesting. I would love to meet her. And go do that. Like every month, I will sit down. This is one of my newer habits. And think like, Who do I know, but I don't really know. Right? Who do I know? But I like I kind of know what they do. But I wish I knew more. And then I go like seek those people out and be like, Hey, can we connect one on one? Because like there are people in your world right now that you know from Facebook or you know, on LinkedIn or whatever that you know through a friend that you don't actually really know but you think kind of cool, go connect with them and be like, Hey, I you know, I think you're cool. Like be the dork be willing and like hook up together and be like, Oh, I get to know them better. This is how we make the connections that build all stuff. Because those are the people that will be like, oh, you know what? I know this person you should know. And then suddenly you're like, Oh, how'd that happen? been, oh, it happened because you made the step of asking to connect. So that is the magic ingredient in effective networking. 

The second key is the key is the key really one is going to take the effort to take the next step number three, when you do that one on one, when you meet people at the event or whatever, be agenda free, but not curiosity free. You do not have to go and be like, if I don't make any sales here, I did it wrong. You the point of networking is not sales. It's not I know, there are networkers out there that are gonna be like you are wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, you are doing it wrong. I have actually had people telling me that. But you know what? For me, it's done. When I show up at networking, it's because I want to connect. When I show up one on one, it's because I want to connect, I want to know you human. So if you show up to connect, and you just want to know the human, the humans are gonna be like, Oh my god, that was amazing. Because so many people show up to networking with like a, when is it my turn to talk kind of agenda? And it's like, that's not what this is about? Like, I play all kinds of games. I'm such a dork. I play all kinds of games I play, especially when it's somebody like who's really new to me. I'll play like, how many questions can I ask them before they ask a question about me? Like I play all kinds of games? Because I want to see, I want to know what they're about. So I will, you know, people will say one thing, and I'll be like, Wait, tell me more about that. Or they'll be like, Yeah, I'm working on this new thing in my business. And I'll be like, tell me more about that. And I'll ask them a million questions. Because a, I'm a frickin nosy human. And be I want to know. So we get talking about unexpected things. We get talking about kids playing sports, we get talking about things, they're loving, that they're building or tools they're using, or God who knows their favorite restaurant, we talked about all kinds of things. I follow the curiosity of the conversation, you can do the same. I have built all kinds of businesses way. And there are times where I'll be talking to people, this happens more regularly that i It's fascinating. And people will be talking about their kids, we'll be talking about baseball, we'll be talking about oh, no snow or whatever. And then we'll start talking about something they're working on. And then all sudden, they'll be like, You know what, I think I might need your help. Oh, okay. Because I am not there to sell them. I'm just there to talk and connect and be of use. So if you show up curious, curious, and to be of use magic things happen. 

If you show up and make it all about you, then then that's not really connecting. So you know, you can turn your inner monologue off, you can turn the light, what's my next question? What do I need to be able to say here? When is it my turn? I get it. We all do that. We have all been there in that conversation. We're like, well, I got I never got to talk about me. Right? Stop making it about you. I know. I know. I know. I know. There are ways to make it work. If you go to all your networking, and you never tell anybody what you do, that's a problem, too. It's a different problem. We will deal with that separately. However, be curious. Sometimes that's the way it works. Like I occasionally get connected to people who are really brand new at networking, and they don't know how to ask the questions. That's okay. So probably I don't tell them a lot about what I do. I ask them questions, and I model for them. And we, I help them learn how to do this thing. And you know what, sometimes that's great. Like, okay, that's the service, I can be up to them today. And you know, down the road, they might be like, Oh, shit, I should ask her some questions. That's fine. That's okay. They'll come back. 

Okay. So, number four, be prepared to ask and give help. Here's the thing. We all go to networking. If you go curious and agenda free, at some point, if you have, if you're talking to anybody who is networked in any way before, they're gonna be like, What can I do to help you have something to ask for? Honestly, for me, the vast majority of the time, what I asked for is more connection. So I'll say to people like, hey, you know, what I would love is if you have someone in your circle that you think like, we'd be fun together, connect me together with them. If you think we'd laugh, if you think they need me. If you think we'd hit it off and be great collaborators, if you think whatever, you know, please, I would love to be connected to them. And it's people are always like, Oh, I'll find somebody. Yeah. And they always do. They're always some of my favorite people have come out of connecting that way. I have met some of the best people like that, where they're like, you know, would you be fun with this person? And you get together and you're like, Yep, we're on together and then then you never know where it goes. Right? It's amazing. But you know what you're going to ask for? 

Typically, if you're learning to network, you're practicing connection, ask for more connection. Or if that person in front of you said something You're like, you know what, I actually do need help with that, ask them for help. Or ask them if they wouldn't mind taking like five minutes to give you a little feedback. You know, people will people want to be of use, it's okay for you to say, hey, you know, can I ask you a question about how you network? And I asked you questions about where you network about your favorite places? Can you tell me can you make a suggestion about something I should join? What's your favorite Facebook group? Right? Like, I've had people ask me all kinds of good questions like that, or, you know, tell me the book you've read that was most useful for you. I'd love some new books. Cool, people are happy to tell you those things, right? People love to share. So ask, and then be prepared to also share and give. So you might say if you're going to, at some point, say how can I be of service to you? How can I be of use. And then when somebody you know, says something, see if you can help you connect them to someone, like, oftentimes, I'll be talking to somebody. And I'll be scribbling down little notes on the side of my pad over here that will be like, connect her to the following people. Because at this point in my networking, I know a lot of people. And so as I'm talking to people, I'm like, Oh, God, they'd be fun together. And so oftentimes, I will make those connections because you know what, like, they're always good for people. That's cool. Let's do that. 

So be prepared to give help and ask for help. That's why you're connected. That's how networking and connections deepen. And that's, that's part of how we serve each other and strengthen this. And then the last one is this. It is really important after you connect after you go to an event after you meet somebody new to just step back and go like, huh, how'd that go? And it's not like, what did I get out of it so much? But it is, how did I show up? It is, how did this event feel to me? Like, do I want to go to more events with this organization? It is what did I learn? It's what experiment did I do? Like, how did I introduce myself? And how do you think it landed? Right? It's, it's worth just taking a few minutes to be like, how did this go? And not in the like, I did a bad job kind of way. I didn't get any sales. So I failed. That's not what we're doing. But it's very much in the like, how is this fitting? Like, is this a good group for me, then being really intentional in thinking that kind of thing through if you do all five of these things? in fairly short order, you're gonna be like, Oh, God, I'm not bad at this a. And also like, Hmm, I kind of liked this, I kind of like the people, I kind of liked the events, like two or three years ago, I would not have told you that I enjoyed networking. Three. But like, I have really learned to love it and the people in the connecting. It has done magical things for my business, but it's because I do these things. 

So if you want to be better at this, and you want to not be miserable at it, this is the way and if I can be of help. You know, as you know, if you're listening to this, and we don't know each other and you want to connect, I always have time for new people. This is what we do. And like I promise I'm not showing up with a sales agenda. If you're like, hey, I want to network. Cool. Let's do that. The easiest way for you to get me is on Facebook or on email. Come on to Facebook, join my Facebook group, it's UNcomplicated Business for Teachers, helpers and givers just like this podcast come play. I'm happy to connect. And if you are finding this podcast useful, it is really helpful if you are willing to subscribe. You get the next episode you get notified of all the things but also it helps other people find this and if you think it's useful, then then maybe other people will too. And if you write a review, that makes it even easier for people to find we would deeply appreciate it so much. And if you're not on my Facebook group, come on and there's always good in there. And till then I'll see you next week.