Creating the 'WOW, I need what she has' Effect

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Welcome to UNcomplicated Business for Teachers Helpers and Givers. I am Sara Torpey. I am the host of this podcast. I am a business coach. I help business owners like you teachers helpers and givers, through one on coaching in through small group coaching to simplify and uncomplicated success, I want your results to come more easily. I want them to be more fun, I want you to do fewer things and get more out of them. And that is why we are here on the podcast today. So this week, we are going to talk about what I think of as the wow, I need what she has effect. We have all experienced this on the other side, we have met someone or bought from someone who when we met them, we were like holy cow, I need whatever she is selling like whatever she is doing. I gotta get some of that. Because I like the vibe, the feel the energy, the like, holy moly. That is, you know, we've all met those people. And we're like, holy moly, how do they do that they just give off this like ease or energy or like this confidence. And I wish I had that. Today, what we're going to talk about is how to create that yourself without becoming someone you don't want to be. So you know, what we want to create ourselves is our own version of the leg. Oh my God, why don't I need what she has effect from the inside out without becoming someone different without channeling some innate charisma that we don't have without wearing a version of ourselves. That's like exhausting. You know, because there are lots of versions of sales and selling high energy kinds of things out there that can give you that vibe, but for that person are successful, because it's just like, an ill fitting outfit, right? So what we're going to talk about today is how to create this effect, how to create this feeling this vibe for yourself without driving yourself insane without making it really complicated. Because really, this podcast is called uncomplicated business. It's not about making it harder. It's not about adding steps. It's instead about, you know, doing work often from the inside out. That helps us as business owners do things more simply more successfully. So for me, the this is something I have learned to do over time I have you know, I have people tell me constantly, like I love talking to you. You just have this vibe that is so easy. And it's so easy to talk to you and I feel so comfortable. And I really just want to work with you that hadn't happened earlier this week where the woman was like, Man, how did we get here? She's like, I don't even know how you ended up digging that out of me. And I had only just met her at a zoom she had reached out and been like, Hey, do you are you willing to connect? And I'm often Yes, I'm often Yes, as long as I have the time. And so we got on the call and she was like holy, I just feel so comfortable. Like and I had someone else I know from a networking group earlier this week, be like, Oh my god, I'd love it when you stand up and talk because it's fun. And it's easy. And I know it's not going to be complicated. Like that is attractive energy. And I have not always been like this. And you know, I haven't now, because of the ways I've practiced it. And because of the Inside Out work I've done to get to it. This is a learnable thing. This is not like I have done some magical thing I have not turned myself inside out become a new person. Because you know if you know me at all, just kind of am who I am. This is what you get this package. And I am not any different, really that internal person than I have ever been like I have not done a good job of like becoming someone new. But what I have done is my internal work on the things that I control, to really shift the energy so that it feels simple and uncomplicated to talk to me so that it feels easy, and fun and interesting. So that I give off what I want people to get from me. So the way I have done this is by really focusing on what I think of as internal controllables things that are inside of my brain and inside of my heart and things that I think about and that I actively think about in practice that like no one besides me and my business coach and maybe my best friend from high school and my husband know about I like there are things I share with clients when we talk about things like this, certainly. But like it is work that I do myself internally that the world doesn't necessarily see, all the world gets is like, Oh, I like her energy man, her vibe is magnificent, like, I love it when she walks into a room. That's what I get to give up, off, because of doing this work. So the nice thing for you is that you can do this same work like it is not rocket science, it is not complicated. It is work for sure. But like so is trying to wear somebody or not so is trying to like magically create charisma, that is not how you feel and how you come out in the world normally, so is trying to force yourself to convince clients to work with you. Like that's a whole different kind of work, and it's uncomfortable. So let us like do this differently. So I have what I think of as seven internal controls. These are things you do that you think about that you practice. And really, I I've worked on them one at a time. So I'm not saying today, like work on all seven, I am saying like pick one, you know, there are some of these, what's going to happen is you're gonna look at this list, and you're gonna be like, Oh, I already do some of these pretty well, here are the things I want to work on more of, and they just slowly over time, build this field that you're trying to create for other people. It's intentionality that we use to do this, not just like, pure dumb luck, right? So these are all things that are practicable. This is what I do. This is how I help clients, I help clients practice these things, to create the feel of the success to create, you know, the connection out in the world to create the business they like, this is how we practice. And they all create success in a slightly different way. So the seven controllables, as I see them are presence, like you control your presence, how you show up, like literally your physical presence, but also your like intentionality or presence, from the inside out, like how you show up when you meet someone how you focus those kinds of things. Your number two is consistency is like how you build consistency of practice and habit and those kinds of things. Number three is decision making. It is as much as I think sometimes that feels like an action, it is really an internal habit. It's how you go about the process of making decisions, any decisions, all decisions. Number four is time and how you choose to think about time, you know, I talk about time with clients all the time, because I have people that come to me and are like, Oh, I have 500,000 things to do. And I have three hours a day. You're like, whoa, okay, and they're like I'm always behind another, changing how we think about time changes a the things we do but be how we show up in the world. Because you know that, wow, I need what she has effect does not come from people that you are like, Holy God, how does she function? I don't know how she does it all. But also, I don't want to do it like that. Like people that are really pressed for time. Like that's not attractive. Energy wise, it's not like it's not what you want to buy, right? Number five is evaluation. Again, it's like a doing thing. But it is a habit of evaluation. It is a practice. It's how you evaluate how often how regularly. Number six is celebration. Again, same idea. But it's really about an intentionality to celebration and making sure it is a part of everything you do week in and week out. And then the last one is trust. I have talked on the podcast before about trust, it'll come up again, it is sort of the end all be all. It's what you choose to trust versus don't like when you dive into drama. When you trust your process. When you decide you have to force it, that whole thing. So what I would say is that they each create this all together, they sort of build up to create this holy, I need what she has vibe. But individually, they all make a really big difference. Also, like for time, I had a period of time where I really worked on my presence, I just worked on showing up as a human without attachment to what other people what I wanted from people, as a listener as a human as a connection and showing up and just truly about connection. That was a practice and now that's very easy for me but that was something I had to learn. It's about showing up the visibility. Consistency is really about, you know, both not aiming for perfection because perfection and consistency are not the Same thing, we would use the same word if they were, and about what you're doing versus not doing. It's about choices, right? Consistency is about choices, what you're going to choose to do intentionally every day. Decision making as a controllable is about how you make decisions how you decide. And it's also about the speed with which you choose to decide, like, do you have to think about every decision you make for a week? Because you feel like you have to? And why is that? Can you just decide the process this today? Can you just decide, yes, I want to work with them. Yes, I'm going to make this decision, can you decide to just trust your decisions. In terms of time, it is really about success comes from learning to manage your expectations of time, it's learning to think about time in a way where it's in your control rather than happening to you. Right time as something that you control is a very different thing than like minutes passing you trying to catch them. Evaluation creates success, because honestly, it's a timesaver evaluation and looking at the work we're doing and how things are working just on a regular basis, makes it easier to make decisions a, but also helps us to not do things we don't need to be doing. Like if it's not working, we don't have to be doing it a and b. If it is working really well, we can just do more of it. It just allows us to make intentional choices more effectively. Celebration is a success habit. Because it is how we see the good. We are so trained as human beings to look around and see nine good things and one bad thing and only think about the bad one. It's like my house is sparkling clean and perfect except the kitchen. Therefore I am a failure. Like that's that's not that's not a my house. But also be like that's not your nine tenths of the way there and the 1/10 is with throwing off the whole game. That's that's not a productive habit. That's not also something that creates any sort of like, yeah, I need what she's having. Yes, I need to be harder on myself and mean to myself more often, like nobody thinks that. But when somebody's like, yes, these are all the things that are working all the time, creates a very different state of mind. And then trust is sort of the roll up of all of this. Because when you have a presence that you feel good about when you're consistent when you're making decisions in ways that really support your business and your life, when you are evaluating regularly, when you feel like time is in your control when you have a lot to celebrate, because you focus on knowing that you have things to celebrate becomes much easier to trust yourself, your business, your work your people, but it's an intentional choice. So here are you know, what I would suggest there are a couple of things if you want to start doing this work. The first is to look around and think about the areas out of these seven presents consistency, decision making evaluation, celebration, trust, or time and trust. And think about where things are already going pretty well. Right? What evidence do you have that you're already present and showing up in a way that supports connection? What evidence do you have that you're already have a lot to celebrate? What evidence do you have that you are consistent right now? Because you do have all this evidence notice that I didn't say Do you have evidence you do have this evidence? We have to find it. So it's already like, how am I doing this? Now it's checking in, and then it's okay, so I'm doing pretty well in presence. Like I'm happy with how I'm showing up? How do I do even more of it? How do I expand how I'm doing this? Or if you look at areas where you're like, you know what? I'm not really evaluating. Okay, so what would it look like to evaluate more regularly? What would it feel like to have a better handle on what's working day to day? What would it look like to celebrate something every day? What might it change if you do? That's one set of questions to ask. The other thing that I think is really useful to ask here is sort of this future leaning check in. So sometimes where I'm like, I don't know how consistency looks here. Like I don't know, I don't know. You know, cuz sometimes your brain will throw up and I don't know, it's like, okay, cool. I don't know what that looks like. But what we have like the version of Sarah or have you Whoo, that is two years from now that's been there done that. What is she? Like? What is her consistency look like? You know, this version of me that has gotten it all together two years from now, because it's totally gonna happen, right? She's gonna be amazing. But if you look forward, she's gonna really have it together. Because two years ago, me is like, holy cow. Look how together you are. So we're always going to be more together two years ago, from now version of you? Who is like, got it together? What is her presence? Like? How does she show up for stuff? How does she evaluate? How does she celebrate? What does she do? How does she think about time? How does she make decisions? What does consistency look like for her? And then when you sort of push the timeline out, and you're like, oh, you know what she does these things? That's interesting, then the question is like, how do I start doing them now? Right. So start in any of these places, what I would I would really encourage you to do is pick one area that you just want to do a little more of, you're not going to try to, you know, drink the ocean here. That's not the idea here. They can't do this all at once. You're not not meant to. But you can intentionally pick one area or two to really focus on and it's going to draw people in differently. It's going to create that like, oh, wow, I really like when she's with you and one on one. And she you have her full attention. That's, that feels so good. Like I love working with her. That creates that feel in that vibe that you're trying to do. And it just gets better the more of this you practice. So that's really this, how to create this effect. It's dizzy, these internal controls. These internal controls are the focus of the work we're doing in my Facebook group this month, month is October. My Facebook group is the same name as this podcast. It's called uncomplicated business. For teachers helpers and givers. If you're not in the group, you should come play. Because we're going to practice some of these things this month, everybody's got to focus. We're going to you know, there's a question every day we're doing some things come play. Also, if you're like, Man, I want to do this work faster. Or like I don't even know where to start calm. Let's talk about coaching. Like I promise, it will be worth the hour you spend with me, even if you decide not to work with me, that's fine, you're going to get things out of it, you're going to get direction, you're going to get seen and heard, like I get what you're doing. I've been in your shoes, I totally am here for you. So come let's talk about it. Let's talk about coaching. Small group coaching is still open for a couple of more days group start the week of October 10. So it could be you want to talk about small group coaching, it could be you want to talk about one on one coaching, send a message or come into the Facebook group and ping me in there, ping me on LinkedIn, wherever you want to ping or send an email at sara@torpeycoaching.com. It's real simple, calm, let's talk about it. And then you know, you get to make whatever decision you want. And that's totally okay with me. You're never gonna waste my time. People are always important. So come ask your questions, get what you need, in common the Facebook group, and that's this month, we're going to work out internal controls. In November, we're working on external control bowls, and then in December, we're working on using the work we do in October November to make a 2023 plan in the Facebook group. You don't want to miss any of this because it's going to be amazing. already is. So come play with us. And then we're going to, you know, enjoy this podcast. So also, if you like this podcast, please pause. Give it a review on Apple podcasts, read it, do something with it and it'll help other people find it and if you want to share it even better. I love having you here. I'm glad you're here and I can't wait to talk to you next week.