Teachers in Business

How to Make Decisions Without Drama

March 09, 2021 Sara Torpey Season 1 Episode 17
Teachers in Business
How to Make Decisions Without Drama
Chapters
Teachers in Business
How to Make Decisions Without Drama
Mar 09, 2021 Season 1 Episode 17
Sara Torpey

We’ve been taught to think that making decisions is hard, or that it has to be hard. But actually, most of what’s hard about making decisions is INDECISION. This week I’m going to teach you how to recognize indecision, what it means (it’s not what you think…), and how to simplify and speed up making decisions from now on.  

Show Notes Transcript

We’ve been taught to think that making decisions is hard, or that it has to be hard. But actually, most of what’s hard about making decisions is INDECISION. This week I’m going to teach you how to recognize indecision, what it means (it’s not what you think…), and how to simplify and speed up making decisions from now on.  

Hello, welcome to this week's episode. This week we're going to talk about decisions. So we have been taught to think that making decisions is hard or that has to be hard. But actually mostly what's hard about making decisions is indecision. That's the truth of it. So this week, we're going to talk about how to recognize indecision. What it means about you, which actually is not probably what you think it means about you, and how to simplify and speed up decision making from like, right now on to forever. Before I get into that, what I wanted to do is share a little change, I'm going to make the format here. I realized recently that one of my favorite things in other podcasts that I listened to you is stories they tell about clients and breakthroughs. And sometimes they're connected to the podcast topic, and sometimes they're not, but I always find them useful. So I think for me, it's important to share that same kind of stuff here. And I'm going to share just a little one or two minute, you know, breakthrough from a client each week to go with the episode because I think they're fun. So this week's is kind of related. But last week, one of my clients made a huge breakthrough around pricing. What she offers is insanely valuable. Like I know this from the outside, she knows it like logically. And she's been stuck at the idea of charging more than $400 a month for it. Now for her. The reason it's almost necessary is because she has a really big goal this year for her business, and $400 a month per client, like there's a mismatch in the math that's going on. And she knows it. And so we keep talking about pricing. And what came out last week is she was thinking that it was a lot to ask people to pay, like it was asking too much.

 

So what we did is we went through and we priced out what she's actually offering them for that $400 a month. What she saw in the course of our conversation as she was feeling like it was a lot because she was only considering one part of what she was offering people when they work together, she was only looking at really one key aspect of the work. And in reality, she offers four key things that every client that works with her gets. So $400 a month is 40 $800 a year, it sounded reasonable. I mean, it was felt like a stretch to her until we literally went through and made a list of everything she's offered. And what it's worth in the course of a year, we went through and actually valued the things she's doing, we put numbers to them, you can do this for yourself. And when we went through and listed all of the things she was doing for a client any year, and what that was worth, and we added it all up, it was $16,000. And a little more. So now all of a sudden, 4800 didn't seem, you know, just under $5,000 is like a third, less than a third of what she really giving them. And if we price that out on a monthly basis, it was 13 $100 just a little more than 13 $100 a month, suddenly, her perspective on $400 a month shifted. And it was a big breakthrough. The moral of the story here is that her break breakthrough is about considering the entirety of what you're doing for people, not just one piece of it. So like you offer more for your people than you realize that's really important. It was really important for her last week, and it was a really big deal. She's gonna move forward differently from there. It's super fun. So if you're thinking about value, remember, you have more value than you realize that's going into what you're charging people. Okay, so on to decisions. So we're gonna start by talking to about why decisions are such a mess for us as humans, because they are, mean it's hard to make decisions, or at least that's what we tell ourselves. We have this perception that decisions have to be hard to make, that it has to be a challenge. And we have to like worry and proliferate and agonize. We also think that in many cases and not 100% of the time, but a lot of the time that we have to be really careful. We've been told to be very careful decision makers, because we have to make the right decision. Because if we make the wrong decision or life is going down the drain, we're gonna be homeless and like it's over. That's it. One wrong decision. End of Days. Our caveman brains are like, safety brains think that one decision breaks everything. But the thing is, is decisions really. They can be simple. And the vast majority of them not talking about just what we would think of as the easy ones quote unquote They can, you can make the process very simple. And it can be very fast. This whole, it has to be hard, we have to agonize, we have to list every pro and con and worry and option. This is all just like systemic instruction. It's not actually what we have to do. We've been taught that the approach we're using now is reasonable. But in the end, really what it's more of than anything is a huge time and energy suck. Because we're deciding, like, we're following the process of deciding instead of actually making a decision,

 

deciding is a process. It's a long arduous work. And we travel from sea to sea while we decide. Whereas making a decision as in a moment that it's an instant. And because of all this worry and anxiety that comes with the process of making an appropriate decision, we sit around in the puddle that is indecision, we sit around and leave decisions on made, and then all the drama and the worry and the uncertainty column with indecision, there are side dishes of that meal, they are not side dishes of actually deciding. And what we're doing really, in the process of decisions, is we're trying to make decisions and I would say trying and capital letters. And what's funny about this, to me is like this is one of those turning points I've had, because I was a couple months ago, I was texting with a friend early in the morning and she I said oh, you know, I texted her and I said, Oh, I'm trying to decide this thing. I can't remember what I was trying to decide. And her replied, It was like 8am. And her reply was, are you also trying to wear pants today? I was like,

 

What?

 

What does this have to do with pants?

 

And she just let it sit there and all sudden my brain was like, oh, trying this whole trying to decide this whole process of indecision is like trying to wear pants. Here's the thing, peeps, you're either wearing pants or you're not. There's not a lot of space in between, like, what do you like is trying to wear pants like pulling them halfway up? Is it just putting on one leg? What is that? And so it also applies to decisions. For decisions, you're either deciding or you aren't. you're deciding you made a decision, or you're in the process of indecision. And the thing is, is the reason we're talking about this here on the podcast is I think, as a teacher turned business owner, there's this whole extra layer in here, for anyone who has moved from working like in the system to on their own. Because in the system, quote unquote, in the school system, and whatever system you've worked in, there are a lot of decisions day to day, they're just made for you, you don't get choices. This is their curriculum, this is the schedule, this is the classlist this is your bell schedule. This is when you eat lunch, law, and you don't get a lot of choices. And you don't like it, you complain about it, we all do. But you also don't spend any time on them, your brain doesn't have to worry about them. Because they're not yours to make. And you're like okay, well, I just don't get to decide that. I don't get to be like, Oh, well, what I want the bell to ring at 1205. It just rings at 1203 whatever. What happens though, when you get into business out of the system, is you get to make all the decisions, and there are so many more things that you can decide. And on top of that, if it's your business, you have a stake in the game. So basically, the level of fear of doing it wrong, the sheer number of decisions gets ratcheted way, way up. And this becomes a huge problem. Because it leads to a lot of trying to decide. So if this is you and this sounds familiar, it might What are the signs of indecision? Okay. So first is when you literally say out loud, I am trying to decide, you know, you set it, we will set it and hearing yourself be like, Oh, I'm trying to decide I'm not deciding. The other second one is pausing. So like when you go, Okay, I'm going to think about what I want to decide here. And you think about it a little bit and then you think about it again two weeks later. And then you think about it again two weeks after that. There's a huge break between thinking about what you want to do and actually doing anything about it. 

 

A third symptom sign of indecision, and you might have one of these or all of them is deciding and then deciding again, 10 minutes later, that's not actually making a decision, because it's not sticking what that is is indecision and lack lack of clarity like in a Halloween costume? Basically, you're, you're going I decide, no, I decide, no, I decide.

 

It's like a little kid getting dressed in the morning or my son on a weekend wearing six different outfits because he just can't. That's not, you know, deciding what you're going to wear and committing. Another sign of indecision is when you start to ask everybody for their thoughts. Like when you start to just be like, friend, what do you think, friend? What do you think, friend? What do you think? partner? What do you think, mom? What do you think? And you're starting to collect all the advice, but it actually makes it worse instead of better. And then the last one here, I mean, there are more for sure. But these I think are the biggies are what I think of is the four hours of the apocalypse. Trying to decide what's right. What's rational, what's reasonable. Oh, they're five reasonable, responsible or realistic. So if you're thinking like what's right, what's the right thing? What's rational here? what's reasonable? what's responsible? what's realistic? Like? That's not that's that's making a decision for the future. Based on the past? Do you really want to make all your decisions based on your past? Probably not. So sit down and start to recognize when you're wandering around in indecision, I bet you can find a spot right now. The first thing to do is notice, just like anything else being like, Oh, crap, I'm sitting here trying to decide instead of actually deciding. So what do you do when you're stuck here to both simplify and speed up decision making? For me, it is a mix of the things I think and the things I do have thoughts and strategies. So the first thing I think about a lot, is that the vast majority of the decisions I make day to day and you make day to day are not forever decisions. We're making them life or death, like like we're defusing a nuclear bomb. But, but they're not. You're just deciding if you want a red or a blue notebook, like it's not a big deal, and even ones that feel like a big deal or not. Like I can remember when we were trying to decide trying there it is on a pediatrician for my daughter. And we interviewed we felt like we had to do it, right. We interviewed different pediatricians. We were like, I don't know this one or that one. And one of my friends finally stopped me. He was like, Dude, it's not a forever decision. Just pick one. And if you hate her in a year, pick a new one. And I was like, Oh, it's not a forever decision. So you don't have to decide it forever. Decide Now stick with it. But remember it you can change like, that's okay. x notebook can be blue. The other thought I think all the time is that there's actually no right decision. The only right decision is the one that's right. For me right now. The only thing I need to choose, okay, there's no real right? There's just right for me right now. And then the other thing that really helps me is that indecision is a no.

 

Okay?

 

So if I'm not deciding something, if I'm wandering around and maybe land like, I don't know, should I do it? Yes or no. And I'm sitting in like, the purgatory that is maybe what I'm really doing is deciding not to. And actually, if I'm going to decide not to my mind is will just decide not to you and be like, nope, then this isn't for me. So, changing indecision, to seeing it as a decision not to, I find really empowering. You may or may not love that some of my clients love that. And some of them are like, Oh, that's horrendous. But when I think of those, this in these terms, my indecision becomes a decision. And I find that really empowering. Okay, so there's some of the things I think about decisions. And now a couple of strategies. First, one of the things that really helps in this is to challenge yourself to make a lot of small decisions faster.

 

So you need a new notebook. Great. Give yourself five minutes to browse, shop, buy, click the button be done. Like literally set the timer. need to decide what to wear, great. Walk into your closet, make a choice and walk out. Don't stand there and stare at them all. It's like when you open the fridge and you're just looking at and you hope something new pops out you're like, the more you practice making simple, fast, no drama decisions about simple, easy things that don't require drama, the more it will spread to other parts of your life. Like the way we do one thing is the way we do everything. So if we start making faster decisions about what's for dinner, what we're gonna wear, what we're gonna buy, it will help everywhere I promise. The second thing and I sort of alluded to this a minute ago is to use your timer. Sometimes when I'm feeling really indecisive about something when I'm trying to decide, I will set a timer on my watch, from anywhere from 30 minutes to three hours. And so what I'll do is I'll be like, Alright, I have to decide this by noon, it's 9am. Now, I have to make a decision by noon. So in those three hours that I give myself, I can waffle around, I can make pros and cons list, I can do other stuff, I can research, I can do whatever. But then when the timer goes off, I have to decide it's done. And then I commit to that I commit to making a decision at the end of the time. And I know that that's hard for people. But you can do it, we all can, it's just sort of that like use your will a little bit. And I know that that's, it feels sort of weird. But it will feel really good to just be like, okay, at noon, I'm going to decide. And then the third one is to stop looking at all the options, you don't need all the options. It's like the menu at the Cheesecake Factory, you don't need to look at all those pages, you need to look at two pages. So for anything that you are thinking about a decision on trying to choose a coach, trying to buy a CRM, trying to buy an email tool, trying to buy a pants, whatever, trying to decide what is driving, your need to look at all of them is your fear of missing out. And you can just decide that you're not going to miss out that you're going to look at two or three options, and one of them is going to be perfect for you. And you're going to get what you need. Very often for me, like I look at three options. And I decide my husband is like fascinated by this. We're trying to pick out a new couch right now. And he's like, Well, what about this one? Well, what about this one? What about this one? And I'm like, I like one of those two. And I decided which two I was good with, like three weeks ago. And he's still like, what about this one. And so I just I kind of look at, like the three options I have. And I go like what I like that one best. Great. And then the other thing I would say the last one. And I do this quite often, if you feel like you need advice, sometimes we feel like we need someone else's perspective. If you feel like that's true before you make a decision, that's fine. But think intentionally about the one person who you would like to hear from and ask them for their advice. Don't like Dally around and ask 19 people think about who would give you the best insight, seek out that person and then choose after you've talked to them. Sometimes I want and never another perspective. But I rarely need five, five just makes it worse, really, because you get like 17 other opinions, and then you're a muddy mess. The thing in the end to remember is that the power to decide is yours, continually. You have that power 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And you can just aside, I know that the wide world of the internet and maybe your family tells you that's not true, but it is you have the power to decide. And so, you know, in an effort to not make this the longest podcast on Earth, there are so many other things I could share here about decisions. I could go on for days. But this is a good start. Start here. And remember, like I said before, how we do one thing is how we do anything. So if you're agonizing in one area in your life, you're probably doing the same thing and other places. And that's just you know how it goes. So if you're looking to make some quick decisions, and you haven't subscribed to this podcast yet, you can go ahead and hit that button. If you aren't in my facebook group yet. It's also called teachers in business. That's a really easy decision to make today, if this podcast and you're getting to the end and it was useful for you is all the same kind of stuff I talked about in my group. And then if you're trying to decide about coaching with me or with anyone else, honestly, I'd encourage you to just decide to have a conversation. That's the first step. You don't

 

have to decide all the 16 other decisions that come with it. You just have to decide the first one right now. Decide to have a conversation. Make it simple, make it small, make it fast. And you can do that you can decide to have a conversation with me or with any other coach

 

right now. Practice decision making right here. So if you want to have a conversation with me about coaching, potentially you don't have to actually decide if we're going to coach together yet. Just decide to have a conversation, send an email, Sara at Torpey coaching comm or go to my website and book your slot there or even just send me a message on Facebook or LinkedIn. All of that is fine. So here is to a week in a month in a year filled with lots of decisions.

 

Fast, simple, painless.

 

Alright, see you next week.